Things I Learned at the Beach Waterpark

We took the kids to the Beach Waterpark for Ellen Family Fun Day. We all had a great time and it was very educational. Here is a list of all the things that I learned today. (A few things I already knew but they were reinforced.)

**Disclaimer: The following is to be taken lightly. This is a humorous and honest blog with no offense intended. Any resemblance to yourself, your friends or family is most likely coincidental.**

1. A white tank top over a very tiny bathing suit does not hide anything. We can see everything you didn't want us to.

2. If you tell your granddaughter that you will not buy her Dippin Dots (the "ice cream of the future") because it's $4 and that is ridiculous and then you proceed to buy a $3 beer in your $9.50 refillable mug, you will be judged.

3. Getting paw prints tattooed on your breasts does NOT make you look like Eve.

4. If your bottom is less than rockin, you should not wear a bikini with the words "Apple Bottoms" written on the backside in gold glitter. (This was especially disturbing as it was the same girl that mistook herself for Eve.) FYI - even if you have a hot body, you should think twice about wearing anything with gold glitter on your ass. It doesn't say classy like you think it does.

5. Although functional, under no circumstances are water shoes attractive.

6. There seems to be a rumor spreading like wildfire that neck tattoos are hot.

7. Wearing heels to the waterpark is not a good idea. And it makes you look like a fool.

8. If you sit in a chair for 4 hours instead of spending time with your wife, she will get mad and you will have to leave. (And then the Ellen's will take your primo spot in the sand.)

9. Just because it is August and the last 2 months have been unbearably hot, do not think that it won't be freezing cold (well, too cold to swim anyway) and rainy on the one day you decide to take the whole fam to the waterpark.

10. There is nothing more attractive to a mother than watching a father brave the ice cold water to play with his children for 6 hours and enjoy every minute of it. (This is a direct reference to my wonderful husband.)

Who knew one could learn so much just by sitting, relaxing, and people watching? I feel very wise today. Thank you, Beach Waterpark, Mason, OH!