1. Hudson made his very first goal in soccer on Saturday. He was so excited! Afterwards he ran down the sidelines giving all the parents high five's. He also had two assists. When Uncle Dan asked him how soccer went he said "OK." I told him that he scored a goal and had two assists and when Dan asked him what that meant, he said "I don't know."
2. During Paige's dance class I was talking to a few of the other moms. Georgia's mom was talking about how Georgia loved classical music so much that she actually missed a gymnastic class because she wouldn't get out of the car until the piece was over. I wanted to say "Paige does that too, but only when Lady Gaga is on." (I didn't say that for fear of the looks of pure disdain I am positive that would be directed toward me.)
3. New Rule: No kissing girls until age 13. I had to make this rule because Hudson REALLY wants to kiss my sister in law's niece (don't worry - she is not actually related to us.) They were playing Saturday night and Hudson was frustrated because Paige and Little Lindsay wouldn't leave them alone. When I asked him why he wanted to be alone with her he said "So we can talk and stuff." What kind of stuff, you ask? When I asked him he said "You, know - kissing," I said that he was not allowed to kiss girls that he is not related to until he is 13. Guard your daughters! Hudson is on the prowl!
4. Today, Hudson got is very first bloody nose. His sister gave it to him. Apparently, she bopped him in the nose with her baby doll. When I asked her why she said "Cause he wouldn't shut he's mouth." Travis and I both giggled.
I am fairly sure that we will not be nominated for Parents of the Year in 2010. Oh well, there is always next year!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
I'm Bringing Pale Back!
I bared my legs for the first time this year today. It wasn't a lot of skin but it was definitely enough to blind a few people. I wore a dress that came to just above my knees and my calf-high boots so I had a good 5 inches of gleaming white skin showing. My legs are so white they border on transparent.
For a brief stint in my early twenties (before I was wise like I am now - I am practically 30!) I was pretty much addicted to the tanning bed. I went about every other day. I would feel pale if I went more than 2 days without going. I bought unlimited packages at the tanning salon so I could go as often as possible. I was insanely tan for my wedding - I actually did go every single day for a couple of weeks. (Luckily I got married in July so I didn't look like one of those really creepy tan people that look like they live in Barbados in the middle of winter.) I read an article once about how something in the UV rays makes your brain release serotonin so that you actually get a high from tanning and therefore become addicted. Luckily, I was able to quit without the help of Promises Rehab Center (although I would have liked being in there with Britney and Lindsay - we could have shared some stories!) I think I was able to quit because we moved to Blanchester. We were about 25 minutes from the nearest tanning salon and that was just too far for me to drive. I am many things but at the top of the list is LAZY - even for a tanning bed high!
As with most things in the world, there are pros and cons to the tanning bed. The pros being: if you don't overdo it, you have a healthy glow about you and look darn good. (For some reason tan fat looks better than white fat. Pretty much everyone I know agrees to this but I have yet to find someone that can tell me why.) It is good for the economy - there is probably about a billion dollars a year spent on the tanning industry (that is not an exact amount.) It keeps oncologists and dermatologists unemployment rates down (all those tanning bed addicts will eventually have to have their cancer cured and their wrinkles ironed out and sun spots removed.) The cons of tanning are as follows: cancer and wrinkles (stating the obvious), a lot of wasted energy (sorry Al Gore), and confidence issues for the pale people (me excluded - I own it!)
Anyway, I say we start a revolution! Down with the tanning beds! Get out your SPF 80 and slather it on! Don't worry about your white fat because it has to stay covered up so you don't get cancer. Put on your sun safe clothes and hats and join me in the shade. Those tanners may look good now but in a few years their skin will look like leather. Plus, when they lose all their hair (from the chemo) they won't look better than us anymore! They will have to stop tanning and they will be frail and thin and pale. Even white fat looks better than white skin and bones. We can form a picket line (preferably inside, away from the sun) to warn of the dangers of tanning. We can have support groups for recovering tanaholics. It will be awesome! We will save energy and lives. Don't worry about the oncologists or the dermatologists. There is plenty of other cancers to cure and teenagers with skin problems to keep them in business. Pale is the new tan!
For a brief stint in my early twenties (before I was wise like I am now - I am practically 30!) I was pretty much addicted to the tanning bed. I went about every other day. I would feel pale if I went more than 2 days without going. I bought unlimited packages at the tanning salon so I could go as often as possible. I was insanely tan for my wedding - I actually did go every single day for a couple of weeks. (Luckily I got married in July so I didn't look like one of those really creepy tan people that look like they live in Barbados in the middle of winter.) I read an article once about how something in the UV rays makes your brain release serotonin so that you actually get a high from tanning and therefore become addicted. Luckily, I was able to quit without the help of Promises Rehab Center (although I would have liked being in there with Britney and Lindsay - we could have shared some stories!) I think I was able to quit because we moved to Blanchester. We were about 25 minutes from the nearest tanning salon and that was just too far for me to drive. I am many things but at the top of the list is LAZY - even for a tanning bed high!
As with most things in the world, there are pros and cons to the tanning bed. The pros being: if you don't overdo it, you have a healthy glow about you and look darn good. (For some reason tan fat looks better than white fat. Pretty much everyone I know agrees to this but I have yet to find someone that can tell me why.) It is good for the economy - there is probably about a billion dollars a year spent on the tanning industry (that is not an exact amount.) It keeps oncologists and dermatologists unemployment rates down (all those tanning bed addicts will eventually have to have their cancer cured and their wrinkles ironed out and sun spots removed.) The cons of tanning are as follows: cancer and wrinkles (stating the obvious), a lot of wasted energy (sorry Al Gore), and confidence issues for the pale people (me excluded - I own it!)
Anyway, I say we start a revolution! Down with the tanning beds! Get out your SPF 80 and slather it on! Don't worry about your white fat because it has to stay covered up so you don't get cancer. Put on your sun safe clothes and hats and join me in the shade. Those tanners may look good now but in a few years their skin will look like leather. Plus, when they lose all their hair (from the chemo) they won't look better than us anymore! They will have to stop tanning and they will be frail and thin and pale. Even white fat looks better than white skin and bones. We can form a picket line (preferably inside, away from the sun) to warn of the dangers of tanning. We can have support groups for recovering tanaholics. It will be awesome! We will save energy and lives. Don't worry about the oncologists or the dermatologists. There is plenty of other cancers to cure and teenagers with skin problems to keep them in business. Pale is the new tan!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Questions and Answers
This is a transcript of the conversation that I just had with Hudson on the way home from Mammaw's. This took place AFTER I explained who my new boss is, my boss's new boss is and my boss's new boss's boss is. (Does that even make sense?) Then I had to discuss with him what I ate for lunch and all of my friends ate for lunch and why I work at a bank but we don't keep any money at my work. I also had to explain who all the people on my team at work is, their names and what they do. He wanted to know what team Abbey is on and what her team name is and what my team name is and so on and so forth. Also, the entire time we were having this conversation Paige was babbling to herself about Kenna and Cheryl, her "silly girlfriends." (She says "They're so silly and I don't know why!")
Who made the world?
Some people think that God made the world.
Who made outer space?
Some people think that God made space.
Why can't I see God?
Because God lives in Heaven and He watches over us.
How?
Well, he takes care of us.
But he doesn't put us to bed or feed us or anything.
Well, he helps us with our problems and protects us.
How?
Because we can pray to Him.
Who made the trees?
Some people think God made the trees.
Who made the signs?
God made people and gave them the knowledge to make the signs.
Who made the lights?
Thomas Jefferson (It is actually Benjamin Franklin but I was a little flustered.)
Who made the stars?
God.
But how?
They are actually giant balls of fire in outer space.
But how come I can see them from outer space?
Because they are really, really big.
As big as a tower?
Bigger than a tower.
What else is in outer space?
Planets, moons, stars.
What about meteor showers.
Yes meteor showers are in space.
How come they don't hit the Earth?
I don't know.
How come?
Because I don't know a lot about space.
How come?
Because I know a lot about other stuff.
How much longer till we get home?
Soon.
Why do they call them silos?
That is just what they call them. (When he sees the silos he knows we are almost home.)
What fire station is that? (We passed the fire station by our house.)
81, I think.
How do you know?
Because the other one is 82.
Which one is 82?
The one where you helped Daddy with the Christmas lights.
Is that where Daddy is?
No, Daddy is in Franklin tonight.
How do you know?
Because he told me.
Where is Station 87?
I don't know.
When we get home, do I have to go to bed?
No.
Good.
I am exhausted.
Who made the world?
Some people think that God made the world.
Who made outer space?
Some people think that God made space.
Why can't I see God?
Because God lives in Heaven and He watches over us.
How?
Well, he takes care of us.
But he doesn't put us to bed or feed us or anything.
Well, he helps us with our problems and protects us.
How?
Because we can pray to Him.
Who made the trees?
Some people think God made the trees.
Who made the signs?
God made people and gave them the knowledge to make the signs.
Who made the lights?
Thomas Jefferson (It is actually Benjamin Franklin but I was a little flustered.)
Who made the stars?
God.
But how?
They are actually giant balls of fire in outer space.
But how come I can see them from outer space?
Because they are really, really big.
As big as a tower?
Bigger than a tower.
What else is in outer space?
Planets, moons, stars.
What about meteor showers.
Yes meteor showers are in space.
How come they don't hit the Earth?
I don't know.
How come?
Because I don't know a lot about space.
How come?
Because I know a lot about other stuff.
How much longer till we get home?
Soon.
Why do they call them silos?
That is just what they call them. (When he sees the silos he knows we are almost home.)
What fire station is that? (We passed the fire station by our house.)
81, I think.
How do you know?
Because the other one is 82.
Which one is 82?
The one where you helped Daddy with the Christmas lights.
Is that where Daddy is?
No, Daddy is in Franklin tonight.
How do you know?
Because he told me.
Where is Station 87?
I don't know.
When we get home, do I have to go to bed?
No.
Good.
I am exhausted.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Crap! (One Girl's Quest for Fiber)
***Caution! This blog falls under the category of "over-share"!***
I have an emotional stomach. When I get upset, stressed or nervous I get diarrhea. It has been this way since I was a child. My parents used to think it was because I ate too fast. They always used to tell me to slow down and take smaller bites. Thus, I am a VERY slow eater and chew my food approximately 1,000 times before swallowing (this is a source of great amusement for my husband.)
As I have got older, my problems got worse. I would "get sick" (this is the nice way to say explosive diarrhea) almost every time I ate. My doctor put me on all sorts of different medications but none of them worked. I had multiple tests and was poked and prodded repeatedly before it was determined that I had Irritable Bowel Syndrome. This basically means that there was no discernible reason that I had to run to the bathroom after every meal. I wasn't allowed to take aspirin or Pepto Bismol (because it contains aspirin, which irritates the stomach) but I practically lived on Immodium AD. I would always worry about eating out because what if I "got sick" while I was out with my friends? (This actually happened when I was on a date once. I missed about half of the movie. Talk about awkward...)
Since my children were born I have been very conscious of what I eat (I want to be the hot mommy!) and because of that (and the "crazy girl pills" which help with the stress and the nerves) the "getting sick" has slowed down. (By slowed down, I mean that it has become less frequent as slow would not be a word that I use to describe diarrhea.) However, it has been replaced by my new nemesis - constipation. I don't quite understand what is happening to my body. It has done a complete 180. I can't stray from my "diet" at all without getting cobbed up. I drink tons of water, eat my active culture yogurt and oatmeal everyday (not together), and consume lots of roughage. I have tried "aids" as well -teas, laxatives, stool softeners and even suppositories once (by far one of the MOST degrading moments of my life.)
I always am looking for high fiber food. Beans, special bread and cereal, fiber bars, fiber injected cottage cheese, dark green lettuce - I eat it all. I don't think I can possibly get any more fiber into my body short of eating bark and I still can't go! What the hell is wrong with my body? Apparently my body is a lot like my mind - I go from one extreme to the other. I am going to continue my journey to get as much fiber into my body as possible while attempting to lead a normal life. This is the only time in my life I have ever wanted to be regular...
I have an emotional stomach. When I get upset, stressed or nervous I get diarrhea. It has been this way since I was a child. My parents used to think it was because I ate too fast. They always used to tell me to slow down and take smaller bites. Thus, I am a VERY slow eater and chew my food approximately 1,000 times before swallowing (this is a source of great amusement for my husband.)
As I have got older, my problems got worse. I would "get sick" (this is the nice way to say explosive diarrhea) almost every time I ate. My doctor put me on all sorts of different medications but none of them worked. I had multiple tests and was poked and prodded repeatedly before it was determined that I had Irritable Bowel Syndrome. This basically means that there was no discernible reason that I had to run to the bathroom after every meal. I wasn't allowed to take aspirin or Pepto Bismol (because it contains aspirin, which irritates the stomach) but I practically lived on Immodium AD. I would always worry about eating out because what if I "got sick" while I was out with my friends? (This actually happened when I was on a date once. I missed about half of the movie. Talk about awkward...)
Since my children were born I have been very conscious of what I eat (I want to be the hot mommy!) and because of that (and the "crazy girl pills" which help with the stress and the nerves) the "getting sick" has slowed down. (By slowed down, I mean that it has become less frequent as slow would not be a word that I use to describe diarrhea.) However, it has been replaced by my new nemesis - constipation. I don't quite understand what is happening to my body. It has done a complete 180. I can't stray from my "diet" at all without getting cobbed up. I drink tons of water, eat my active culture yogurt and oatmeal everyday (not together), and consume lots of roughage. I have tried "aids" as well -teas, laxatives, stool softeners and even suppositories once (by far one of the MOST degrading moments of my life.)
I always am looking for high fiber food. Beans, special bread and cereal, fiber bars, fiber injected cottage cheese, dark green lettuce - I eat it all. I don't think I can possibly get any more fiber into my body short of eating bark and I still can't go! What the hell is wrong with my body? Apparently my body is a lot like my mind - I go from one extreme to the other. I am going to continue my journey to get as much fiber into my body as possible while attempting to lead a normal life. This is the only time in my life I have ever wanted to be regular...
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