Questions and Answers

This is a transcript of the conversation that I just had with Hudson on the way home from Mammaw's. This took place AFTER I explained who my new boss is, my boss's new boss is and my boss's new boss's boss is. (Does that even make sense?) Then I had to discuss with him what I ate for lunch and all of my friends ate for lunch and why I work at a bank but we don't keep any money at my work. I also had to explain who all the people on my team at work is, their names and what they do. He wanted to know what team Abbey is on and what her team name is and what my team name is and so on and so forth. Also, the entire time we were having this conversation Paige was babbling to herself about Kenna and Cheryl, her "silly girlfriends." (She says "They're so silly and I don't know why!")

Who made the world?
Some people think that God made the world.
Who made outer space?
Some people think that God made space.
Why can't I see God?
Because God lives in Heaven and He watches over us.
How?
Well, he takes care of us.
But he doesn't put us to bed or feed us or anything.
Well, he helps us with our problems and protects us.
How?
Because we can pray to Him.
Who made the trees?
Some people think God made the trees.
Who made the signs?
God made people and gave them the knowledge to make the signs.
Who made the lights?
Thomas Jefferson (It is actually Benjamin Franklin but I was a little flustered.)
Who made the stars?
God.
But how?
They are actually giant balls of fire in outer space.
But how come I can see them from outer space?
Because they are really, really big.
As big as a tower?
Bigger than a tower.
What else is in outer space?
Planets, moons, stars.
What about meteor showers.
Yes meteor showers are in space.
How come they don't hit the Earth?
I don't know.
How come?
Because I don't know a lot about space.
How come?
Because I know a lot about other stuff.
How much longer till we get home?
Soon.
Why do they call them silos?
That is just what they call them. (When he sees the silos he knows we are almost home.)
What fire station is that? (We passed the fire station by our house.)
81, I think.
How do you know?
Because the other one is 82.
Which one is 82?
The one where you helped Daddy with the Christmas lights.
Is that where Daddy is?
No, Daddy is in Franklin tonight.
How do you know?
Because he told me.
Where is Station 87?
I don't know.
When we get home, do I have to go to bed?
No.
Good.

I am exhausted.

Crap! (One Girl's Quest for Fiber)

***Caution! This blog falls under the category of "over-share"!***

I have an emotional stomach. When I get upset, stressed or nervous I get diarrhea. It has been this way since I was a child. My parents used to think it was because I ate too fast. They always used to tell me to slow down and take smaller bites. Thus, I am a VERY slow eater and chew my food approximately 1,000 times before swallowing (this is a source of great amusement for my husband.)

As I have got older, my problems got worse. I would "get sick" (this is the nice way to say explosive diarrhea) almost every time I ate. My doctor put me on all sorts of different medications but none of them worked. I had multiple tests and was poked and prodded repeatedly before it was determined that I had Irritable Bowel Syndrome. This basically means that there was no discernible reason that I had to run to the bathroom after every meal. I wasn't allowed to take aspirin or Pepto Bismol (because it contains aspirin, which irritates the stomach) but I practically lived on Immodium AD. I would always worry about eating out because what if I "got sick" while I was out with my friends? (This actually happened when I was on a date once. I missed about half of the movie. Talk about awkward...)

Since my children were born I have been very conscious of what I eat (I want to be the hot mommy!) and because of that (and the "crazy girl pills" which help with the stress and the nerves) the "getting sick" has slowed down. (By slowed down, I mean that it has become less frequent as slow would not be a word that I use to describe diarrhea.) However, it has been replaced by my new nemesis - constipation. I don't quite understand what is happening to my body. It has done a complete 180. I can't stray from my "diet" at all without getting cobbed up. I drink tons of water, eat my active culture yogurt and oatmeal everyday (not together), and consume lots of roughage. I have tried "aids" as well -teas, laxatives, stool softeners and even suppositories once (by far one of the MOST degrading moments of my life.)

I always am looking for high fiber food. Beans, special bread and cereal, fiber bars, fiber injected cottage cheese, dark green lettuce - I eat it all. I don't think I can possibly get any more fiber into my body short of eating bark and I still can't go! What the hell is wrong with my body? Apparently my body is a lot like my mind - I go from one extreme to the other. I am going to continue my journey to get as much fiber into my body as possible while attempting to lead a normal life. This is the only time in my life I have ever wanted to be regular...

The Fireman's Wife

I am the wife of a fireman. At different times in my life, I have wanted to be various types of wives. The housewife, the trophy wife, the career wife, and most often - the lottery winner's wife! But being the fireman's wife is not something that I had ever considered.

When Travis told me that he wanted to go back to school to become a fireman, I thought "Great! He is finally doing something that he wants to do!" I supported him with my whole heart and was very excited for him. I never really thought about how it would affect me. In fact, when people asked me how I felt about it, I would say that I was happy for him and that everything would be great. Honestly though, I didn't know how I felt about it because I never really thought about it. I knew that I would have to sacrifice my time with my husband, not only to go to school but also because our schedules would be forever different. I can be a bit selfish sometimes (that is a shocking revelation, isn't it?) and I did not look forward to the inevitable times that he would be called away during dinner (or Christmas Eve.) That being said, it wasn't too hard of an adjustment to make.

Travis is still pretty new to the Firefighter/EMT career. He has been working for Franklin for about 6 weeks and has been a volunteer for about 8 months. He usually works a 12 hour shift every 3rd day and is now getting some 24 hour shifts thrown in. He is also on call every Monday, Tuesday and every other weekend and has meeting or training 3 Wednesdays a month. When you throw that in with my Thursday night class and two small children, we don't have much time to ourselves.

Last night I got stuck in the driveway (damn snow!) One of the perks of being a firefighter is that you get to borrow the snow plow so Travis got me out fairly quickly once he got home. He then had to plow two of the neighbor's driveways and then he got called on an EMT run. After all was said and done, he didn't get home until after 9:30. Our plans of eating dinner in bed and watching the Olympics were pretty much shot (the kids were at Mammaw's.)

I know it sounds like I am complaining, but I promise that I am not. Yesterday morning Travis got called on an EMT run. It was a "possible stroke victim" that turned out to be heart problems. He performed CPR on this person for an hour and a half before the person ultimately died. This as Travis's first fatality on a run. When he told me about it he said "I guess I am not much of a hero after all." But that is not true. He is a hero to me and to our kids and to that person's family. I would not have the knowledge or, more importantly, the courage to do what he did and I don't think many of us do. All the time he spends away from our family is a sacrifice that we are both willing to make because it is for the greater good of the community. If I or my family was hurt or dying, there is no one I would want more to be caring for them than Travis. He has everything that you could want in a rescuer. He has the knowledge, the courage and the heart to save lives and when one is lost, he goes out again and saves the next person. I have always been proud of my husband but I don't think I have ever been THIS proud. I am not just a fireman's wife, I am also a HERO'S WIFE!

Snow Day

It is quiet at my house. It is the second snow day in a row and I am ready for spring. Travis is plowing the driveway AGAIN and the kids are at Mammaw's 'cause of the road conditions. I couldn't drive home last night so I had to stay at my friend's house who lives close to work - I was prepared, I took my "ho bag" to work with me. The up side is that I had wonderful company and ate like a queen - roasted chicken and vegetables for dinner and DELICIOUS pancakes for breakfast. My pants won't ever fit again if there are many more snow days! The down side to snow days is that I don't get to see my kids.

I never used to be scared to drive in the snow but last winter did me in. I slid down a hill into a ditch, I "tapped" a car on the highway and spent the better part of January '09 stuck in weather related traffic. This year I can't stand the thought of doing it again. I get a stomach ache when I think about it and start to have panic attacks. I am sure the general public would rather me stay at home than get in the car and have a panic attack - You're Welcome Cincinnati!

Anyway, because of the snow, I haven't seen my kids since Monday night. I did get to see them for about an hour tonight before they had to leave. I really wanted to hang out with them tonight. I was prepared to paint Paige's toes (this an almost nightly event) and play Connect 4 with Hudson. They really didn't want to go tonight either which is rare for them. They love going to Mammaw's especially because Sam was going too. I think they were really missing me. I know it was better that they go tonight considering that Travis has to work at 6 am tomorrow and there is no telling what shape the roads will be in, but I REALLY didn't want them to go. They called me half way there and asked if they could come home or if I could go with them. Too bad we don't have a live in nanny. That would come in really handy right about now. It would also be really handy if my work believed in snow days, but alas, not even a major winter storm (or hurricane) can shut down the MAN!

Live Like You're Dying...

I used to think that to "live like you're dying" was excellent advice. We should all live each day to it's fullest because we never know when it will be our last. People that we love can be taken away from us is a split second and we could never be given the chance to tell them how we feel about them. That being said, I am not sure I agree with the saying.

If were given 6 months to live there is a list of things I would do. I would go to Greece, take my kids to Disney World, fall asleep with them in my arms every night, stop going to work and make crafts all day. The list would go on and on.

If today was truly my last day on Earth, I would not be typing this blog. I would be eating biscuits and gravy and I wouldn't take my eyes off of my children or husband all day. If I truly lived like I was dying, I would stop doing all of the mundane, everyday things that the "responsible" people do. I would stop balancing my checkbook to the penny every day. I would stop worrying about every calorie I consumed. I would stop doing the laundry and basically anything and everything that takes my time away from my family and friends. I would do nothing except enjoy the people that I love and not worry about anything.

To live like you're dying is putting a lot of pressure on ourselves. As much as I would tell my family on my last day on Earth - how much I love them and how they had made my life better, there is also so many things that I wouldn't be able to say for fear of upsetting them. I couldn't tell Travis if he had hurt my feelings or if I was angry with someone because I wouldn't want that to be what they remember about me when I was gone. I realize that I am taking the saying quite literally but I hope that even if the last words I spoke to Travis were angry ones, he would know how much I love him and appreciate him. I would hope that he would be able to look back at our life together and see how happy I was as a whole and not dwell on one day or one conversation.

The end of 2008 and all of 2009 was very difficult for us as a family. We had more loss in that time than either Travis or I had ever lost in our whole lives. Neither of us knew how to deal with this loss and on top of that Travis was going to school and I was working 60 plus hours a week. Our family life suffered a lot and there was more strain on our relationship than there ever had been before. I hope we never have to go thru anything like that again. We had some heinous fights and both of us went through periods of feeling very alone. That being said, I hope that if anything had happened to me during that time he wouldn't have dwelt on the harsh words I had spoken. I hope that he would have known that things we say in the heat of the moment are nothing but words. They are a reflection of how I felt at the moment and not for my life. I know that Travis is my partner for life and that I can always count on him and I hope that he knows that about me. If I were to live like I was dying I would tell him this every single day. But sometimes, there are entire days when I don't even see him. There are days when he really pisses me off and I don't even want to talk to him.

The point is that to live like you're dying can be pretty impractical. The thing to remember is that if you lose someone, no matter what the last thing you said to them was, did they know that you loved them? Did they know how much they meant to you? We should tell our loved ones that as much as possible, but if you forget one day, that doesn't mean that you didn't. It just means that you got caught up in this thing called life. You have to get through each and every day as best as you can and the people that love you will understand. Everyone says things that they don't mean and don't say the things that they do mean. We need to live and love to the fullest that we are capable of and take life as it comes. We need to stop worrying about the future and live in the moment (without shrugging off our responsibilities.) I think the saying that we should dwell on is "All you need is love and sometimes people forget to say it or show it but it doesn't mean it isn't true."

Dot Com Generation

"Mom, where's my iPod?" That is a question that my 2 1/2 year old frequently asks me. Now, it is actually my iPod but she is known to get into my purse, find it, unlock it, and proceed to play "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus repeatedly. She has learned to do this all by herself. I have not taught her to do any of that, nor have I encouraged that behavior. (I am constantly having to reset my icons after she moves them.)

Yesterday, we had to go to the grocery store and we went to a Kroger that we had never been to before. When we got out of the car, Paige pointed to the sign and asked me what it said. When I told her is was Kroger, she asked "Kroger dot com?" Both Paige and Hudson ask to watch their cartoons on PBS.com because that is what is said on the commercials.

If I tell Hudson that I don't have any money, he tells me to "use my card." We don't have a home phone and my children use the term "text" daily. Hudson navigates the computer better than some of the people that I work with. He even has a farm on Farmville on facebook. Hudson has already asked for a NintendoDS and I am dreading the day that he asks for a cell phone. (I actually know someone whose 10 year old has a Blackberry.) In our house, we have books that will read to our children, a computer, a laptop, 4 TV's (1 is a 50 inch plasma), 2 DVD players. a Blue Ray player, 2 DVR's, 2 cell phones, an MP3 player, an iPod, an XBox 360, Playstation 2 (or 3 - I don't know the difference,) surround sound, an iPod docking station, and I am sure there is more that I have forgotten about. Those are just the things we use on a regular basis. Trust me, I am not bragging. That list is actually embarrassing to me. How did we get all of that stuff? I am positive that none of it was "needed." And now, as my children are being more exposed to the outside world it will just get worse.

The other day when we were at Skyline for family night, I saw a table with 4 little girls at it. Their parents (2 sets of friends) were enjoying their "peace and quiet" at the next table over. All four of the girls were playing their NintendoDS's. They were not talking to each other or their parents. To be fair, the parents were probably thinking "This is awesome! We finally get to have an adult conversation without being interrupted with children fighting, etc." But what I was thinking was - "How sad is that? Their children aren't even taking advantage of the fact that they could talk about whatever they want without their parents listening!"

Now we can email gift certificates (which is convenient for when you forget some one's birthday) and apparently emailing Holiday cards is the new big thing. Although this is very good for the environment, it really takes all the fun out of getting the cards, doesn't it? I really like to hang them up, I don't just want to view them on the computer!

I am concerned about this "Dot Com Generation." Are we raising a generation of children that don't know how to interact with their peers? My nieces and nephews are constantly texting their friends during family time, I am not sure if they even use their cell phones to talk anymore. What about the use of facebook and MySpace? Although it is fun, it should not be a replacement for being with your friends in the flesh. I can't tell you how many times I have seen a group of teenagers at the mall, ALL with their headphones in their ears and iPods in their hands. What is the point of that? What kind of leaders are these kids going to be when they can't even walk with their peers without the distraction of music? As future teachers, doctors, police officers, how are they going to be able to interact with people everyday without saying OMG or LOL? Or is this the future of the English language? I certainly hope not.

I am all for progress, I promise. Just look at the list of all the crap I own and you can see that. I just hope that I am able to teach my kids that not only is all of that stuff a luxury but also to not become so wrapped up in it that they can't talk to their friends. I hope that all the technological advances that we have made in my lifetime and the lifetime of my children don't come back to bite us in the future. I don't want my kids to forget how to have a conversation with me and I certainly don't want my future grandchildren to text me "Merry Christmas" instead of coming to see me.

I am not sure what the right answer is. We can't halt technological advances and we can't keep our children from using them, lest we put them even further behind than the rest of the world is. Maybe we can just make an effort to actually TALK to our kids everyday and make sure they TALK to their friends instead of just texting or facebooking (I am not even sure that they use email to communicate - it strictly a forum for chain emails.) Maybe we can find a happy medium between technology and humanity.

P.S. I realize the irony in this post since I am using a blog to chronicle the lives of my children and my thoughts. I guess I am more into technology than I would like to admit!

If I Had A Time Machine...

If I had a time machine I would get in it right now and go back to that fateful day this summer where Travis and I were at Tire Discounters. The nice man behind the counter told me that I needed 4 new tires but Travis respectfully disagreed. He was positive that I could make do with the 3 that were already on there and the 1 new one. That nice man (I sure wish I could remember his name) told me that I would DEFINITELY need 3 new tires before winter. Somehow, that got put on the back burner.

Flash forward to today at 5:15 pm. I am on 71 N, mile 14. I am making really good time on my way home from work. I am super excited because I got out ahead of all the traffic and I will get to see the kids before they go to Sue's for the night. Then, my car starts to shake a little bit and is making a funny noise. Immediately I know what is wrong with my car. I have a flat tire. I pull to the side (the median, of course) and I have no emotions or thoughts. Travis is at home with the kids so he can not come rescue me and I don't even know if I have a spare tire! I finally figure out that I do, in fact, have a spare tire but I still don't have any way to change it. Travis is calling Chris to see if he can come help (that would be the 3rd time for Chris rescuing from the side of the road) but that would mean that I have to wait on the side of the road for probably close to an hour before he can get to me. I am cursing myself for being such a girl and never learning how to change a tire!

And then, my knight in shining armor shows up. Actually, it is a deputy sheriff in a cruiser, but whatever. He offers to change the tire for me (I am not sure if this is actually part of his job description or not but it should be.) Once I unload ALL THE CRAP that I keep in the back of my car and get the tire out, he commences with the changing of the tire. Now, obviously I have never changed a tire and have never even watched one being changed, but it seemed like he was having A LOT of trouble with it. I was standing on the side of 71, in 27 degree weather with no hat or scarf. I didn't know what to do. Should I help? Can I get in the car??

Finally, Officer Wade (my knight) said "You can go sit in the cruiser." Then he was REALLY my hero! So while he finished the job I go to sit in the super cool cruiser with the heat on! I had to really control myself not to touch anything. I have been in a police cruiser very few times in my life (only once in the back seat!) but I am positive that "visitors" are not supposed to touch the police equipment.

Finally I was back on the road again (about 35 minutes later.) And I am now safe at home. Here is the lesson - Ladies, learn how to change a tire, but more importantly when the nice man behind the counter tells you that you need new tires and you have the money to pay for them, GET THEM! As I can assure you, time machines do not exist!

Soccer Mom

Today I got to watch Hudson play soccer for the first time. Last week was his first game but I didn't get to watch because Paige had gymnastics. Soccer is an hour long and the first half an hour they do "warm up" which means stretching and they work on skills like ball control and such. The second half hour is the "game." The game consists of 4 players from each team playing on 1 quarter of the field. There is no real structure-just fun and getting familiar with the sport. Hudson is very excited to be playing.

He loves being on a team and wearing a uniform and making friends. He is a very enthusiastic player. That being said, he is less than aggressive. He runs back and forth with the herd of players but never gets in the middle. He waits til the ball is passed to him (albeit accidentally, there is little passing among 4 year olds.) He will not take the ball from anyone! I have always been extremely proud of how mild mannered he is but today I found myself yelling "GET THE BALL! TAKE THE BALL!!" I did manage to take the time to explain that you should never take the ball from your own teammate (he is on the Snickers team.) Although, most of the kids will not hesitate to steal the ball from their own team, I don't want him the become THAT aggressive. I am not sure how to get him to go after the ball. I am afraid he gets that from me.

Although I played sports when I was younger, I don't think I was ever categorized as aggressive. Travis is very aggressive when it comes to sports but I am not one for conflict. Travis would say that it is not conflict when you are talking about sports and I agree but there is something about jumping in the middle of an angry mob to get a rubber ball that I can just not make myself do. I would be interested in seeing Paige play soccer. I am sure that she would not hesitate to kick some kid in the shin to get a soccer ball. Well, I guess we will cross that bridge when we get there.

In the meantime, I am going to continue to bring out the aggressiveness in my beloved baby boy. I am not sure how to do this, but it is what every good soccer mom must do.

A Busy Week

It has been a super busy week for the Ellen's. Monday night I went to the hospital to wait for Zander Brady Robinson to be born. He made us wait for a long time (he wasn't born until 5:20 Tuesday night!) but he was well worth the wait. Jodi did amazing and so did Slayer. We are all very excited that he is finally here. Wednesday it was back to work for me but I had to work late (that is what I get for taking a vacation day) and I didn't get to see the kids that night. Thursday I had to take a test for work (very stressful!) and then go straight to my belly dancing class. I did not make it home in time to see the kids - again! I did sleep with Hudson though so that made me feel a little bit better. Today after work I met Trav and the kids at the grocery and then we had dinner together. Trav made pasghetti - delicious! Now the kids are having dessert (ice cream sundaes) and I finally get a few moments to think...

OK, moment is over. Tomorrow we have soccer (no gymnastics though) and then I am having lunch with my niece. Sunday I am taking the kids to meet their new cousin, Zander. I am so excited for that! I can't wait to hear what they say. This post was not as interesting as I would have liked after a whole week but I am working on some that I have high hopes for. We'll see how that goes!

Quick update - saying one nice thing to someone each day is a lot harder than you think. I am still working on it though. And, while my pants are still a little on the snug side, I am making slow but steady progress (although I ate a little too much pasghetti tonight.) I am, as they say, "a work in progress!"

Bedtime

I just put Paige to bed. Every night when she goes to bed she wants some one to "scrub" her toes. That means she sticks her foot through the slats of her crib and Travis or I lay in her floor and rub her toes. Tonight she said "You're tickling me." I said I was sorry and she said "That's OK, Mommy. You can tickle my toes." She is so sweet at bedtime (in the morning too!) We were listening to her music and she sang to me "I will catch you, I will catch you" over and over again. She told me I was her "special mommy." She uses her "special blanket" - the pink one that I bought for her when I was still pregnant with her.

Tomorrow night I get to put Hudson to bed. When Hudson goes to bed, Travis or I lay with him and watch a movie. He never wants us to leave. He loves to cuddle and play with my ponytail. I like to rub his soft belly but he always wants me to scratch his back. He says "down, down, down, down" until I get to his butt. He LOVES to have his butt scratched!

I love bedtime.