I woke up late this morning as is my routine. Got to work on time though (completely out of the ordinary) and I thought to myself, "Today is going to be a good day." I remembered to pack my entire lunch and breakfast (awesome!), I remembered to put on deodorant (score!), I remembered to bring the diapers I was supposed to for a co worker (for her son, not her) and I had gotten all my work done yesterday so that I could start today with a clean slate.
At nine o'clock, my auspicious feeling started to wane. By ten, I was beginning to question my ability to make sound decisions. It seemed that every file I touched slowly but surely turned into a pile of dog crap in my once capable hands. By 11:00, I had completely lost confidence in my ability to be successful at my new job. I went to lunch and decided that when I got back, things were going to be different at my desk. But by 4:30 I was on the verge of a full fledged panic attack.
Still, I managed to keep myself together - this is no small feat and is proof that medication does work. I was in my car at 6:18 pm and decided that since no one was waiting on me, I would take some time for me. Travis had taken the kids to Sue's for the night and then he was off to the fire house. Tonight was the perfect night for me to try out the alternate route home that avoids highways (which will help me to get to work faster but will hinder my make-up-putting-on-in-traffic-abilities. Shhh, don't tell Vick!) and since it goes through Old Milford, I can check out some of those cute little shops and possibly get my haircut.
About halfway into my alternate route, I took a wrong turn. I know what you are thinking - "Lynsey is a logical thinker, that is what she gets paid to do. Surely she will turn around and back track." But as I have already stated, my logical thinking skills were a bit off today. I decided it was a better idea to keep going and "figure it out." Forty five minutes and 1 call to Travis later, I found my way back to familiar ground.
By the time I got there, almost all of the cool shops were closed and it was too late to get my haircut. I did however stumble upon an interesting little cafe/bar called Latitudes. At this point I figured, "What the hell! I am going to salvage my night." I went in and started relaxing.
This was my kind of place. It is locally owned, slightly weird food, wine list, jazzy vibe and mellow people. Now I really know what you're thinking - "That isn't Lynsey's kind of place! She likes bars with sticky floors, questionable people and places that only serve chili cheese fries and the only drinks you can order is beer or shots." Not tonight, my friends. Tonight, I decided I was an adult.
I sat at a corner table, ordered a glass of wine, and dined on a plate of hummus and pitas. I was writing, listening to jazz and people watching. The really skinny guy across from me drank 3 glasses of wine and ate an appetizer, a burger and fries and chicken skewers. There was a biker chick in camo pants outside and a group of mature women were on what looked like a girls night out. I was calling no attention to myself whatsoever. Again, I was being very un-Lynsey like. I was calm and cool. I was relaxed and quiet. I was not the stumbling, slurring karaoke singing fool that I usually am. I was classy and sophisticated and well mannered. (I did have my feet up on the chair in front of me though.) I was the youngest in the room but the waitress didn't card me (Bitch!) but I didn't feel out of place.
I am not sure how I feel about this new classy Lynsey, she doesn't seem as fun as the old, loud Lynsey. I am not sure how often she will show up (with my friends, I doubt she will make an appearance on a regular basis.) But I am glad that I found this new adult version of Lynsey - I never knew she existed before.
I would say that all in all, today was a good day. Tomorrow I will find my confidence again (it may be hiding with Karaoke Lynsey.) Now I know that I can be grown up and drink wine by myself in a bar (even if 1 glass cost as much as I normally spend on an entire bottle.) I may suppress this grown up Lynsey but she is in there, I promise.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
And In The End...
Bill Ellen was a hard working man. He worked for 30 years, swing shift at a thankless job while raising four boys. He worked hard to provide them with food, clothing and shelter but most of all he worked hard to provide them with love and support. He loved his boys more than anything in this world. He sacrificed everything for his family and he gave his all into raising his boys. His boys are now grown men with families of their own and his legacy lives on through them.
William Carl Ellen died April 11, 2009 after a long battle with congestive heart failure and kidney failure. On that day, the light in the world dimmed for a lot of people and will never regain it's brilliance that once was. Bill never knew a stranger and would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. That phrase has been said about a lot of people but I have never seen it ring more true than with Bill. I saw him give freely to his friends and friends of friends and even people that he didn't know just because they needed it. When he saw someone in need he helped them even though he knew he would probably never be paid back. He would never turn his back on his family or friends or anyone he was in the position to help.
His smile could light up any room he was in and nothing made him smile more than his family. I have seen him tell complete strangers about his grandkids, all of the his pictures from his wallet laid out on the bar. I don't think he ever missed the birth of one of his grandkids and if one of his boys or their families needed help he would never think of turning them down.
I cannot say enough about Bill and the kind of person he was. My limitations as a writer are too great to convey exactly how his family felt about him. I can tell you this though - watching the pain on my husband's face in the days following Bill's death was almost too much for me to bear. I had no words to comfort him and I am still at a loss. My husband not only lost his father that day, but also his best friend and his hero. Bill was everything to Travis. He spent the entire week at the hospital by Bill's side, only leaving to go to his classes. The night Bill died was the only night I made Travis come home and for that I will never forgive myself.
You would be hard pressed to find someone that could say anything bad about Bill Ellen. He made some questionable decisions in his life (hey, who hasn't?) but at the core of his being, Bill was one of the most loving, caring and giving people I have ever met. As I looked around at his funeral service, I saw people from all walks of life, people that worked with him 3 decades ago, people that he had helped financially and touched in their hearts. I saw friends of his boys show up to show them support (one wonderful friend drove all the way from Michigan to pay his respects and then turned around and drove right back.) Say what you will about Bill Ellen, but no one can deny how many lives he touched, how many loved him and how many he loved. Take one look at his boys and you will see four loving, respectful, caring men that put family above all else. When I was watching all of those people try to put their feelings into words, trying to comfort each other and deal with the pain of thier loss all I could think was "And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." That was proven to me that night in a way that was as painful as it was sweet.
I am saddened every day that my children and nieces and nephews will have limited memories of him and will never know personally just how wonderful their grandfather truly was. I am afraid that Travis and I won't be able to make them understand the kind of man Bill was. I only hope that by watching Travis and his brothers they will be able to see what kind of person he was and the kind of people they need to be to keep the Ellen legacy alive. Bill gave a lot of love and that is evident in the love his family feels and will always feel for him. We will do our best to make Bill proud and continue his family in the way that he would want. We will continue to love and support each other. We will continue to give freely of ourselves and help those in need. We will continue to raise our children to be proud of the Ellen name. We will teach them that respect and hard work is how you make your way in the world. And we will teach them that family, above all else, is the Ellen family legacy.
William Carl Ellen died April 11, 2009 after a long battle with congestive heart failure and kidney failure. On that day, the light in the world dimmed for a lot of people and will never regain it's brilliance that once was. Bill never knew a stranger and would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. That phrase has been said about a lot of people but I have never seen it ring more true than with Bill. I saw him give freely to his friends and friends of friends and even people that he didn't know just because they needed it. When he saw someone in need he helped them even though he knew he would probably never be paid back. He would never turn his back on his family or friends or anyone he was in the position to help.
His smile could light up any room he was in and nothing made him smile more than his family. I have seen him tell complete strangers about his grandkids, all of the his pictures from his wallet laid out on the bar. I don't think he ever missed the birth of one of his grandkids and if one of his boys or their families needed help he would never think of turning them down.
I cannot say enough about Bill and the kind of person he was. My limitations as a writer are too great to convey exactly how his family felt about him. I can tell you this though - watching the pain on my husband's face in the days following Bill's death was almost too much for me to bear. I had no words to comfort him and I am still at a loss. My husband not only lost his father that day, but also his best friend and his hero. Bill was everything to Travis. He spent the entire week at the hospital by Bill's side, only leaving to go to his classes. The night Bill died was the only night I made Travis come home and for that I will never forgive myself.
You would be hard pressed to find someone that could say anything bad about Bill Ellen. He made some questionable decisions in his life (hey, who hasn't?) but at the core of his being, Bill was one of the most loving, caring and giving people I have ever met. As I looked around at his funeral service, I saw people from all walks of life, people that worked with him 3 decades ago, people that he had helped financially and touched in their hearts. I saw friends of his boys show up to show them support (one wonderful friend drove all the way from Michigan to pay his respects and then turned around and drove right back.) Say what you will about Bill Ellen, but no one can deny how many lives he touched, how many loved him and how many he loved. Take one look at his boys and you will see four loving, respectful, caring men that put family above all else. When I was watching all of those people try to put their feelings into words, trying to comfort each other and deal with the pain of thier loss all I could think was "And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." That was proven to me that night in a way that was as painful as it was sweet.
I am saddened every day that my children and nieces and nephews will have limited memories of him and will never know personally just how wonderful their grandfather truly was. I am afraid that Travis and I won't be able to make them understand the kind of man Bill was. I only hope that by watching Travis and his brothers they will be able to see what kind of person he was and the kind of people they need to be to keep the Ellen legacy alive. Bill gave a lot of love and that is evident in the love his family feels and will always feel for him. We will do our best to make Bill proud and continue his family in the way that he would want. We will continue to love and support each other. We will continue to give freely of ourselves and help those in need. We will continue to raise our children to be proud of the Ellen name. We will teach them that respect and hard work is how you make your way in the world. And we will teach them that family, above all else, is the Ellen family legacy.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
I Have A Dream...
Actually, I have lots of dreams. Not all of them are lofty dreams in which I better the world by curbing global warming or ending hunger. Some of my dreams are quite mundane, nonetheless, they are my dreams and I believe them to be valid and worth sharing.
1. I want to go to Greece with my girls. I want to lay on the deck of giant cruise ship, in a white bikini (showing off my six pack that doesn't presently exist) while being served margaritas (on the rocks, no salt) by a 23 year old waiter named Stavros. In this dream, all of the very handsome Greek men are named Stavros and they know how to make the perfect margarita (do they even serve margaritas in Greece?) and I get to eat hummus and olives (in this dream I like olives.) The aforementioned six pack was obtained by eating nothing but nachos and cupcakes and doing no sit ups what so ever. The cruise ship (a brilliant white) is floating in the sparkling blue water of the Meditteranean and when I look up all I can see is blue skies and white buildings with blue roofs on Santorini Island.
2. I want to be the best mom ever. I want to spend tons of time with my kids and be their best friend. I want to be the cool mom while still being respected by my children. I want them to come to me with their dreams and aspirations and I want to be able to be supportive even when I don't agree with them. I want to encourage them to explore all their options in all things that pertain to their lives and be OK with it if they choose something that I wouldn't. I want them to ask for my advice even though I don't have a great track record of making good decisions (especially when I was a teenager.) I want to be involved in their lives but not overbearing and I don't ever want to let them down.
3. I want to own a funky boutique and sell only one-of-a-kind things that I or other local artists make. The boutique would have hand painted floors and ceilings (by me) and it would be jammed pack full of electic pieces that didn't match but somehow looked great together. There would be bright colors and shapes every where and it would be over the top but in a very sophisticated, arty way. It wouldn't be pretentious so that young "would be"artists or people that aren't arty or creative wouldn't feel uncomfortable and like they didn't belong. The philosophy is "Free Art." There are no rules about what things should look like. You are just creative and however it turns out is that piece's destiny. It was designed by the Fates. I want to sell pottery and art made out of recycled stuff and beautiful clothes at reasonable prices. This boutique would be in a funky town (probably not Blanchester - it has never been described as funky in a good way) and all the local musicians would hang out there. I would have book club meetings and card games on Saturday nights. There would be a sign hanging in the window that said "We are only accepting positive feedback today. If you have anything negative to say, please come back tomorrow."
4. I want to become more organized and a better housekeeper. Or I want to have enough money to pay someone to organize my stuff and clean up after me and my family.
5. I want to read, read, read. I want a fabulous career, I want to be a super involved mom. I want to eat healthy (but I don't want to exercise.) I want do charity work, I want to recycle more. I want to have great hair. I want to be more independent. I want to be a better wife. I want to stick to my guns. I want to have more good actions instead of only having good intentions.
I am looking at this list and it seems that I have a lot of wants which was not my original intention of this post. I would describe myself as a pretty content person although the last little bit doesn't reflect that. I feel I should put in a few things that I like about myself so that it doesn't seem that this is a "Woe is Lynsey" post.
I am funny, I am smart. I am GREAT at karaoke. I have done well for myself so far in my career. I am a pretty good mom (my kids say I am the best ever but they may be a little biased.) I am a pretty decent wife although I don't cook or clean. I have VERY good intentions.
I am not sure I am going to be able to fulfill my dreams but I hope I never stop dreaming of things that I want to do. I don't ever want to be so content with my life that I stop my dreaming and hoping. I am at a very good place in my life - I have a wonderful and supportive husband, the most precious children ever, an incredible family, the best friends in the world, a nice home, a great job. I have pretty much everything a girl could ask for (although I do wish there were a few more hours in the day.) I am not sure what I have done to deserve all this, maybe I was a saint in my former life or am just very conscious of my karma, but I appreciate all of the little and the big things in my life. I don't ever want to take it for granted and stop appreciating it. I am going to continue to dream (I would also like to curb global warming and cure world hunger - wouldn't it be cool if we could do it at the same time?) while I take a little bit of time each day to really reflect on what I have and how awesome my life is.
1. I want to go to Greece with my girls. I want to lay on the deck of giant cruise ship, in a white bikini (showing off my six pack that doesn't presently exist) while being served margaritas (on the rocks, no salt) by a 23 year old waiter named Stavros. In this dream, all of the very handsome Greek men are named Stavros and they know how to make the perfect margarita (do they even serve margaritas in Greece?) and I get to eat hummus and olives (in this dream I like olives.) The aforementioned six pack was obtained by eating nothing but nachos and cupcakes and doing no sit ups what so ever. The cruise ship (a brilliant white) is floating in the sparkling blue water of the Meditteranean and when I look up all I can see is blue skies and white buildings with blue roofs on Santorini Island.
2. I want to be the best mom ever. I want to spend tons of time with my kids and be their best friend. I want to be the cool mom while still being respected by my children. I want them to come to me with their dreams and aspirations and I want to be able to be supportive even when I don't agree with them. I want to encourage them to explore all their options in all things that pertain to their lives and be OK with it if they choose something that I wouldn't. I want them to ask for my advice even though I don't have a great track record of making good decisions (especially when I was a teenager.) I want to be involved in their lives but not overbearing and I don't ever want to let them down.
3. I want to own a funky boutique and sell only one-of-a-kind things that I or other local artists make. The boutique would have hand painted floors and ceilings (by me) and it would be jammed pack full of electic pieces that didn't match but somehow looked great together. There would be bright colors and shapes every where and it would be over the top but in a very sophisticated, arty way. It wouldn't be pretentious so that young "would be"artists or people that aren't arty or creative wouldn't feel uncomfortable and like they didn't belong. The philosophy is "Free Art." There are no rules about what things should look like. You are just creative and however it turns out is that piece's destiny. It was designed by the Fates. I want to sell pottery and art made out of recycled stuff and beautiful clothes at reasonable prices. This boutique would be in a funky town (probably not Blanchester - it has never been described as funky in a good way) and all the local musicians would hang out there. I would have book club meetings and card games on Saturday nights. There would be a sign hanging in the window that said "We are only accepting positive feedback today. If you have anything negative to say, please come back tomorrow."
4. I want to become more organized and a better housekeeper. Or I want to have enough money to pay someone to organize my stuff and clean up after me and my family.
5. I want to read, read, read. I want a fabulous career, I want to be a super involved mom. I want to eat healthy (but I don't want to exercise.) I want do charity work, I want to recycle more. I want to have great hair. I want to be more independent. I want to be a better wife. I want to stick to my guns. I want to have more good actions instead of only having good intentions.
I am looking at this list and it seems that I have a lot of wants which was not my original intention of this post. I would describe myself as a pretty content person although the last little bit doesn't reflect that. I feel I should put in a few things that I like about myself so that it doesn't seem that this is a "Woe is Lynsey" post.
I am funny, I am smart. I am GREAT at karaoke. I have done well for myself so far in my career. I am a pretty good mom (my kids say I am the best ever but they may be a little biased.) I am a pretty decent wife although I don't cook or clean. I have VERY good intentions.
I am not sure I am going to be able to fulfill my dreams but I hope I never stop dreaming of things that I want to do. I don't ever want to be so content with my life that I stop my dreaming and hoping. I am at a very good place in my life - I have a wonderful and supportive husband, the most precious children ever, an incredible family, the best friends in the world, a nice home, a great job. I have pretty much everything a girl could ask for (although I do wish there were a few more hours in the day.) I am not sure what I have done to deserve all this, maybe I was a saint in my former life or am just very conscious of my karma, but I appreciate all of the little and the big things in my life. I don't ever want to take it for granted and stop appreciating it. I am going to continue to dream (I would also like to curb global warming and cure world hunger - wouldn't it be cool if we could do it at the same time?) while I take a little bit of time each day to really reflect on what I have and how awesome my life is.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Ellen Family Randomness
1. Hudson made his very first goal in soccer on Saturday. He was so excited! Afterwards he ran down the sidelines giving all the parents high five's. He also had two assists. When Uncle Dan asked him how soccer went he said "OK." I told him that he scored a goal and had two assists and when Dan asked him what that meant, he said "I don't know."
2. During Paige's dance class I was talking to a few of the other moms. Georgia's mom was talking about how Georgia loved classical music so much that she actually missed a gymnastic class because she wouldn't get out of the car until the piece was over. I wanted to say "Paige does that too, but only when Lady Gaga is on." (I didn't say that for fear of the looks of pure disdain I am positive that would be directed toward me.)
3. New Rule: No kissing girls until age 13. I had to make this rule because Hudson REALLY wants to kiss my sister in law's niece (don't worry - she is not actually related to us.) They were playing Saturday night and Hudson was frustrated because Paige and Little Lindsay wouldn't leave them alone. When I asked him why he wanted to be alone with her he said "So we can talk and stuff." What kind of stuff, you ask? When I asked him he said "You, know - kissing," I said that he was not allowed to kiss girls that he is not related to until he is 13. Guard your daughters! Hudson is on the prowl!
4. Today, Hudson got is very first bloody nose. His sister gave it to him. Apparently, she bopped him in the nose with her baby doll. When I asked her why she said "Cause he wouldn't shut he's mouth." Travis and I both giggled.
I am fairly sure that we will not be nominated for Parents of the Year in 2010. Oh well, there is always next year!
2. During Paige's dance class I was talking to a few of the other moms. Georgia's mom was talking about how Georgia loved classical music so much that she actually missed a gymnastic class because she wouldn't get out of the car until the piece was over. I wanted to say "Paige does that too, but only when Lady Gaga is on." (I didn't say that for fear of the looks of pure disdain I am positive that would be directed toward me.)
3. New Rule: No kissing girls until age 13. I had to make this rule because Hudson REALLY wants to kiss my sister in law's niece (don't worry - she is not actually related to us.) They were playing Saturday night and Hudson was frustrated because Paige and Little Lindsay wouldn't leave them alone. When I asked him why he wanted to be alone with her he said "So we can talk and stuff." What kind of stuff, you ask? When I asked him he said "You, know - kissing," I said that he was not allowed to kiss girls that he is not related to until he is 13. Guard your daughters! Hudson is on the prowl!
4. Today, Hudson got is very first bloody nose. His sister gave it to him. Apparently, she bopped him in the nose with her baby doll. When I asked her why she said "Cause he wouldn't shut he's mouth." Travis and I both giggled.
I am fairly sure that we will not be nominated for Parents of the Year in 2010. Oh well, there is always next year!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
I'm Bringing Pale Back!
I bared my legs for the first time this year today. It wasn't a lot of skin but it was definitely enough to blind a few people. I wore a dress that came to just above my knees and my calf-high boots so I had a good 5 inches of gleaming white skin showing. My legs are so white they border on transparent.
For a brief stint in my early twenties (before I was wise like I am now - I am practically 30!) I was pretty much addicted to the tanning bed. I went about every other day. I would feel pale if I went more than 2 days without going. I bought unlimited packages at the tanning salon so I could go as often as possible. I was insanely tan for my wedding - I actually did go every single day for a couple of weeks. (Luckily I got married in July so I didn't look like one of those really creepy tan people that look like they live in Barbados in the middle of winter.) I read an article once about how something in the UV rays makes your brain release serotonin so that you actually get a high from tanning and therefore become addicted. Luckily, I was able to quit without the help of Promises Rehab Center (although I would have liked being in there with Britney and Lindsay - we could have shared some stories!) I think I was able to quit because we moved to Blanchester. We were about 25 minutes from the nearest tanning salon and that was just too far for me to drive. I am many things but at the top of the list is LAZY - even for a tanning bed high!
As with most things in the world, there are pros and cons to the tanning bed. The pros being: if you don't overdo it, you have a healthy glow about you and look darn good. (For some reason tan fat looks better than white fat. Pretty much everyone I know agrees to this but I have yet to find someone that can tell me why.) It is good for the economy - there is probably about a billion dollars a year spent on the tanning industry (that is not an exact amount.) It keeps oncologists and dermatologists unemployment rates down (all those tanning bed addicts will eventually have to have their cancer cured and their wrinkles ironed out and sun spots removed.) The cons of tanning are as follows: cancer and wrinkles (stating the obvious), a lot of wasted energy (sorry Al Gore), and confidence issues for the pale people (me excluded - I own it!)
Anyway, I say we start a revolution! Down with the tanning beds! Get out your SPF 80 and slather it on! Don't worry about your white fat because it has to stay covered up so you don't get cancer. Put on your sun safe clothes and hats and join me in the shade. Those tanners may look good now but in a few years their skin will look like leather. Plus, when they lose all their hair (from the chemo) they won't look better than us anymore! They will have to stop tanning and they will be frail and thin and pale. Even white fat looks better than white skin and bones. We can form a picket line (preferably inside, away from the sun) to warn of the dangers of tanning. We can have support groups for recovering tanaholics. It will be awesome! We will save energy and lives. Don't worry about the oncologists or the dermatologists. There is plenty of other cancers to cure and teenagers with skin problems to keep them in business. Pale is the new tan!
For a brief stint in my early twenties (before I was wise like I am now - I am practically 30!) I was pretty much addicted to the tanning bed. I went about every other day. I would feel pale if I went more than 2 days without going. I bought unlimited packages at the tanning salon so I could go as often as possible. I was insanely tan for my wedding - I actually did go every single day for a couple of weeks. (Luckily I got married in July so I didn't look like one of those really creepy tan people that look like they live in Barbados in the middle of winter.) I read an article once about how something in the UV rays makes your brain release serotonin so that you actually get a high from tanning and therefore become addicted. Luckily, I was able to quit without the help of Promises Rehab Center (although I would have liked being in there with Britney and Lindsay - we could have shared some stories!) I think I was able to quit because we moved to Blanchester. We were about 25 minutes from the nearest tanning salon and that was just too far for me to drive. I am many things but at the top of the list is LAZY - even for a tanning bed high!
As with most things in the world, there are pros and cons to the tanning bed. The pros being: if you don't overdo it, you have a healthy glow about you and look darn good. (For some reason tan fat looks better than white fat. Pretty much everyone I know agrees to this but I have yet to find someone that can tell me why.) It is good for the economy - there is probably about a billion dollars a year spent on the tanning industry (that is not an exact amount.) It keeps oncologists and dermatologists unemployment rates down (all those tanning bed addicts will eventually have to have their cancer cured and their wrinkles ironed out and sun spots removed.) The cons of tanning are as follows: cancer and wrinkles (stating the obvious), a lot of wasted energy (sorry Al Gore), and confidence issues for the pale people (me excluded - I own it!)
Anyway, I say we start a revolution! Down with the tanning beds! Get out your SPF 80 and slather it on! Don't worry about your white fat because it has to stay covered up so you don't get cancer. Put on your sun safe clothes and hats and join me in the shade. Those tanners may look good now but in a few years their skin will look like leather. Plus, when they lose all their hair (from the chemo) they won't look better than us anymore! They will have to stop tanning and they will be frail and thin and pale. Even white fat looks better than white skin and bones. We can form a picket line (preferably inside, away from the sun) to warn of the dangers of tanning. We can have support groups for recovering tanaholics. It will be awesome! We will save energy and lives. Don't worry about the oncologists or the dermatologists. There is plenty of other cancers to cure and teenagers with skin problems to keep them in business. Pale is the new tan!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Questions and Answers
This is a transcript of the conversation that I just had with Hudson on the way home from Mammaw's. This took place AFTER I explained who my new boss is, my boss's new boss is and my boss's new boss's boss is. (Does that even make sense?) Then I had to discuss with him what I ate for lunch and all of my friends ate for lunch and why I work at a bank but we don't keep any money at my work. I also had to explain who all the people on my team at work is, their names and what they do. He wanted to know what team Abbey is on and what her team name is and what my team name is and so on and so forth. Also, the entire time we were having this conversation Paige was babbling to herself about Kenna and Cheryl, her "silly girlfriends." (She says "They're so silly and I don't know why!")
Who made the world?
Some people think that God made the world.
Who made outer space?
Some people think that God made space.
Why can't I see God?
Because God lives in Heaven and He watches over us.
How?
Well, he takes care of us.
But he doesn't put us to bed or feed us or anything.
Well, he helps us with our problems and protects us.
How?
Because we can pray to Him.
Who made the trees?
Some people think God made the trees.
Who made the signs?
God made people and gave them the knowledge to make the signs.
Who made the lights?
Thomas Jefferson (It is actually Benjamin Franklin but I was a little flustered.)
Who made the stars?
God.
But how?
They are actually giant balls of fire in outer space.
But how come I can see them from outer space?
Because they are really, really big.
As big as a tower?
Bigger than a tower.
What else is in outer space?
Planets, moons, stars.
What about meteor showers.
Yes meteor showers are in space.
How come they don't hit the Earth?
I don't know.
How come?
Because I don't know a lot about space.
How come?
Because I know a lot about other stuff.
How much longer till we get home?
Soon.
Why do they call them silos?
That is just what they call them. (When he sees the silos he knows we are almost home.)
What fire station is that? (We passed the fire station by our house.)
81, I think.
How do you know?
Because the other one is 82.
Which one is 82?
The one where you helped Daddy with the Christmas lights.
Is that where Daddy is?
No, Daddy is in Franklin tonight.
How do you know?
Because he told me.
Where is Station 87?
I don't know.
When we get home, do I have to go to bed?
No.
Good.
I am exhausted.
Who made the world?
Some people think that God made the world.
Who made outer space?
Some people think that God made space.
Why can't I see God?
Because God lives in Heaven and He watches over us.
How?
Well, he takes care of us.
But he doesn't put us to bed or feed us or anything.
Well, he helps us with our problems and protects us.
How?
Because we can pray to Him.
Who made the trees?
Some people think God made the trees.
Who made the signs?
God made people and gave them the knowledge to make the signs.
Who made the lights?
Thomas Jefferson (It is actually Benjamin Franklin but I was a little flustered.)
Who made the stars?
God.
But how?
They are actually giant balls of fire in outer space.
But how come I can see them from outer space?
Because they are really, really big.
As big as a tower?
Bigger than a tower.
What else is in outer space?
Planets, moons, stars.
What about meteor showers.
Yes meteor showers are in space.
How come they don't hit the Earth?
I don't know.
How come?
Because I don't know a lot about space.
How come?
Because I know a lot about other stuff.
How much longer till we get home?
Soon.
Why do they call them silos?
That is just what they call them. (When he sees the silos he knows we are almost home.)
What fire station is that? (We passed the fire station by our house.)
81, I think.
How do you know?
Because the other one is 82.
Which one is 82?
The one where you helped Daddy with the Christmas lights.
Is that where Daddy is?
No, Daddy is in Franklin tonight.
How do you know?
Because he told me.
Where is Station 87?
I don't know.
When we get home, do I have to go to bed?
No.
Good.
I am exhausted.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Crap! (One Girl's Quest for Fiber)
***Caution! This blog falls under the category of "over-share"!***
I have an emotional stomach. When I get upset, stressed or nervous I get diarrhea. It has been this way since I was a child. My parents used to think it was because I ate too fast. They always used to tell me to slow down and take smaller bites. Thus, I am a VERY slow eater and chew my food approximately 1,000 times before swallowing (this is a source of great amusement for my husband.)
As I have got older, my problems got worse. I would "get sick" (this is the nice way to say explosive diarrhea) almost every time I ate. My doctor put me on all sorts of different medications but none of them worked. I had multiple tests and was poked and prodded repeatedly before it was determined that I had Irritable Bowel Syndrome. This basically means that there was no discernible reason that I had to run to the bathroom after every meal. I wasn't allowed to take aspirin or Pepto Bismol (because it contains aspirin, which irritates the stomach) but I practically lived on Immodium AD. I would always worry about eating out because what if I "got sick" while I was out with my friends? (This actually happened when I was on a date once. I missed about half of the movie. Talk about awkward...)
Since my children were born I have been very conscious of what I eat (I want to be the hot mommy!) and because of that (and the "crazy girl pills" which help with the stress and the nerves) the "getting sick" has slowed down. (By slowed down, I mean that it has become less frequent as slow would not be a word that I use to describe diarrhea.) However, it has been replaced by my new nemesis - constipation. I don't quite understand what is happening to my body. It has done a complete 180. I can't stray from my "diet" at all without getting cobbed up. I drink tons of water, eat my active culture yogurt and oatmeal everyday (not together), and consume lots of roughage. I have tried "aids" as well -teas, laxatives, stool softeners and even suppositories once (by far one of the MOST degrading moments of my life.)
I always am looking for high fiber food. Beans, special bread and cereal, fiber bars, fiber injected cottage cheese, dark green lettuce - I eat it all. I don't think I can possibly get any more fiber into my body short of eating bark and I still can't go! What the hell is wrong with my body? Apparently my body is a lot like my mind - I go from one extreme to the other. I am going to continue my journey to get as much fiber into my body as possible while attempting to lead a normal life. This is the only time in my life I have ever wanted to be regular...
I have an emotional stomach. When I get upset, stressed or nervous I get diarrhea. It has been this way since I was a child. My parents used to think it was because I ate too fast. They always used to tell me to slow down and take smaller bites. Thus, I am a VERY slow eater and chew my food approximately 1,000 times before swallowing (this is a source of great amusement for my husband.)
As I have got older, my problems got worse. I would "get sick" (this is the nice way to say explosive diarrhea) almost every time I ate. My doctor put me on all sorts of different medications but none of them worked. I had multiple tests and was poked and prodded repeatedly before it was determined that I had Irritable Bowel Syndrome. This basically means that there was no discernible reason that I had to run to the bathroom after every meal. I wasn't allowed to take aspirin or Pepto Bismol (because it contains aspirin, which irritates the stomach) but I practically lived on Immodium AD. I would always worry about eating out because what if I "got sick" while I was out with my friends? (This actually happened when I was on a date once. I missed about half of the movie. Talk about awkward...)
Since my children were born I have been very conscious of what I eat (I want to be the hot mommy!) and because of that (and the "crazy girl pills" which help with the stress and the nerves) the "getting sick" has slowed down. (By slowed down, I mean that it has become less frequent as slow would not be a word that I use to describe diarrhea.) However, it has been replaced by my new nemesis - constipation. I don't quite understand what is happening to my body. It has done a complete 180. I can't stray from my "diet" at all without getting cobbed up. I drink tons of water, eat my active culture yogurt and oatmeal everyday (not together), and consume lots of roughage. I have tried "aids" as well -teas, laxatives, stool softeners and even suppositories once (by far one of the MOST degrading moments of my life.)
I always am looking for high fiber food. Beans, special bread and cereal, fiber bars, fiber injected cottage cheese, dark green lettuce - I eat it all. I don't think I can possibly get any more fiber into my body short of eating bark and I still can't go! What the hell is wrong with my body? Apparently my body is a lot like my mind - I go from one extreme to the other. I am going to continue my journey to get as much fiber into my body as possible while attempting to lead a normal life. This is the only time in my life I have ever wanted to be regular...
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The Fireman's Wife
I am the wife of a fireman. At different times in my life, I have wanted to be various types of wives. The housewife, the trophy wife, the career wife, and most often - the lottery winner's wife! But being the fireman's wife is not something that I had ever considered.
When Travis told me that he wanted to go back to school to become a fireman, I thought "Great! He is finally doing something that he wants to do!" I supported him with my whole heart and was very excited for him. I never really thought about how it would affect me. In fact, when people asked me how I felt about it, I would say that I was happy for him and that everything would be great. Honestly though, I didn't know how I felt about it because I never really thought about it. I knew that I would have to sacrifice my time with my husband, not only to go to school but also because our schedules would be forever different. I can be a bit selfish sometimes (that is a shocking revelation, isn't it?) and I did not look forward to the inevitable times that he would be called away during dinner (or Christmas Eve.) That being said, it wasn't too hard of an adjustment to make.
Travis is still pretty new to the Firefighter/EMT career. He has been working for Franklin for about 6 weeks and has been a volunteer for about 8 months. He usually works a 12 hour shift every 3rd day and is now getting some 24 hour shifts thrown in. He is also on call every Monday, Tuesday and every other weekend and has meeting or training 3 Wednesdays a month. When you throw that in with my Thursday night class and two small children, we don't have much time to ourselves.
Last night I got stuck in the driveway (damn snow!) One of the perks of being a firefighter is that you get to borrow the snow plow so Travis got me out fairly quickly once he got home. He then had to plow two of the neighbor's driveways and then he got called on an EMT run. After all was said and done, he didn't get home until after 9:30. Our plans of eating dinner in bed and watching the Olympics were pretty much shot (the kids were at Mammaw's.)
I know it sounds like I am complaining, but I promise that I am not. Yesterday morning Travis got called on an EMT run. It was a "possible stroke victim" that turned out to be heart problems. He performed CPR on this person for an hour and a half before the person ultimately died. This as Travis's first fatality on a run. When he told me about it he said "I guess I am not much of a hero after all." But that is not true. He is a hero to me and to our kids and to that person's family. I would not have the knowledge or, more importantly, the courage to do what he did and I don't think many of us do. All the time he spends away from our family is a sacrifice that we are both willing to make because it is for the greater good of the community. If I or my family was hurt or dying, there is no one I would want more to be caring for them than Travis. He has everything that you could want in a rescuer. He has the knowledge, the courage and the heart to save lives and when one is lost, he goes out again and saves the next person. I have always been proud of my husband but I don't think I have ever been THIS proud. I am not just a fireman's wife, I am also a HERO'S WIFE!
When Travis told me that he wanted to go back to school to become a fireman, I thought "Great! He is finally doing something that he wants to do!" I supported him with my whole heart and was very excited for him. I never really thought about how it would affect me. In fact, when people asked me how I felt about it, I would say that I was happy for him and that everything would be great. Honestly though, I didn't know how I felt about it because I never really thought about it. I knew that I would have to sacrifice my time with my husband, not only to go to school but also because our schedules would be forever different. I can be a bit selfish sometimes (that is a shocking revelation, isn't it?) and I did not look forward to the inevitable times that he would be called away during dinner (or Christmas Eve.) That being said, it wasn't too hard of an adjustment to make.
Travis is still pretty new to the Firefighter/EMT career. He has been working for Franklin for about 6 weeks and has been a volunteer for about 8 months. He usually works a 12 hour shift every 3rd day and is now getting some 24 hour shifts thrown in. He is also on call every Monday, Tuesday and every other weekend and has meeting or training 3 Wednesdays a month. When you throw that in with my Thursday night class and two small children, we don't have much time to ourselves.
Last night I got stuck in the driveway (damn snow!) One of the perks of being a firefighter is that you get to borrow the snow plow so Travis got me out fairly quickly once he got home. He then had to plow two of the neighbor's driveways and then he got called on an EMT run. After all was said and done, he didn't get home until after 9:30. Our plans of eating dinner in bed and watching the Olympics were pretty much shot (the kids were at Mammaw's.)
I know it sounds like I am complaining, but I promise that I am not. Yesterday morning Travis got called on an EMT run. It was a "possible stroke victim" that turned out to be heart problems. He performed CPR on this person for an hour and a half before the person ultimately died. This as Travis's first fatality on a run. When he told me about it he said "I guess I am not much of a hero after all." But that is not true. He is a hero to me and to our kids and to that person's family. I would not have the knowledge or, more importantly, the courage to do what he did and I don't think many of us do. All the time he spends away from our family is a sacrifice that we are both willing to make because it is for the greater good of the community. If I or my family was hurt or dying, there is no one I would want more to be caring for them than Travis. He has everything that you could want in a rescuer. He has the knowledge, the courage and the heart to save lives and when one is lost, he goes out again and saves the next person. I have always been proud of my husband but I don't think I have ever been THIS proud. I am not just a fireman's wife, I am also a HERO'S WIFE!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Snow Day
It is quiet at my house. It is the second snow day in a row and I am ready for spring. Travis is plowing the driveway AGAIN and the kids are at Mammaw's 'cause of the road conditions. I couldn't drive home last night so I had to stay at my friend's house who lives close to work - I was prepared, I took my "ho bag" to work with me. The up side is that I had wonderful company and ate like a queen - roasted chicken and vegetables for dinner and DELICIOUS pancakes for breakfast. My pants won't ever fit again if there are many more snow days! The down side to snow days is that I don't get to see my kids.
I never used to be scared to drive in the snow but last winter did me in. I slid down a hill into a ditch, I "tapped" a car on the highway and spent the better part of January '09 stuck in weather related traffic. This year I can't stand the thought of doing it again. I get a stomach ache when I think about it and start to have panic attacks. I am sure the general public would rather me stay at home than get in the car and have a panic attack - You're Welcome Cincinnati!
Anyway, because of the snow, I haven't seen my kids since Monday night. I did get to see them for about an hour tonight before they had to leave. I really wanted to hang out with them tonight. I was prepared to paint Paige's toes (this an almost nightly event) and play Connect 4 with Hudson. They really didn't want to go tonight either which is rare for them. They love going to Mammaw's especially because Sam was going too. I think they were really missing me. I know it was better that they go tonight considering that Travis has to work at 6 am tomorrow and there is no telling what shape the roads will be in, but I REALLY didn't want them to go. They called me half way there and asked if they could come home or if I could go with them. Too bad we don't have a live in nanny. That would come in really handy right about now. It would also be really handy if my work believed in snow days, but alas, not even a major winter storm (or hurricane) can shut down the MAN!
I never used to be scared to drive in the snow but last winter did me in. I slid down a hill into a ditch, I "tapped" a car on the highway and spent the better part of January '09 stuck in weather related traffic. This year I can't stand the thought of doing it again. I get a stomach ache when I think about it and start to have panic attacks. I am sure the general public would rather me stay at home than get in the car and have a panic attack - You're Welcome Cincinnati!
Anyway, because of the snow, I haven't seen my kids since Monday night. I did get to see them for about an hour tonight before they had to leave. I really wanted to hang out with them tonight. I was prepared to paint Paige's toes (this an almost nightly event) and play Connect 4 with Hudson. They really didn't want to go tonight either which is rare for them. They love going to Mammaw's especially because Sam was going too. I think they were really missing me. I know it was better that they go tonight considering that Travis has to work at 6 am tomorrow and there is no telling what shape the roads will be in, but I REALLY didn't want them to go. They called me half way there and asked if they could come home or if I could go with them. Too bad we don't have a live in nanny. That would come in really handy right about now. It would also be really handy if my work believed in snow days, but alas, not even a major winter storm (or hurricane) can shut down the MAN!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Live Like You're Dying...
I used to think that to "live like you're dying" was excellent advice. We should all live each day to it's fullest because we never know when it will be our last. People that we love can be taken away from us is a split second and we could never be given the chance to tell them how we feel about them. That being said, I am not sure I agree with the saying.
If were given 6 months to live there is a list of things I would do. I would go to Greece, take my kids to Disney World, fall asleep with them in my arms every night, stop going to work and make crafts all day. The list would go on and on.
If today was truly my last day on Earth, I would not be typing this blog. I would be eating biscuits and gravy and I wouldn't take my eyes off of my children or husband all day. If I truly lived like I was dying, I would stop doing all of the mundane, everyday things that the "responsible" people do. I would stop balancing my checkbook to the penny every day. I would stop worrying about every calorie I consumed. I would stop doing the laundry and basically anything and everything that takes my time away from my family and friends. I would do nothing except enjoy the people that I love and not worry about anything.
To live like you're dying is putting a lot of pressure on ourselves. As much as I would tell my family on my last day on Earth - how much I love them and how they had made my life better, there is also so many things that I wouldn't be able to say for fear of upsetting them. I couldn't tell Travis if he had hurt my feelings or if I was angry with someone because I wouldn't want that to be what they remember about me when I was gone. I realize that I am taking the saying quite literally but I hope that even if the last words I spoke to Travis were angry ones, he would know how much I love him and appreciate him. I would hope that he would be able to look back at our life together and see how happy I was as a whole and not dwell on one day or one conversation.
The end of 2008 and all of 2009 was very difficult for us as a family. We had more loss in that time than either Travis or I had ever lost in our whole lives. Neither of us knew how to deal with this loss and on top of that Travis was going to school and I was working 60 plus hours a week. Our family life suffered a lot and there was more strain on our relationship than there ever had been before. I hope we never have to go thru anything like that again. We had some heinous fights and both of us went through periods of feeling very alone. That being said, I hope that if anything had happened to me during that time he wouldn't have dwelt on the harsh words I had spoken. I hope that he would have known that things we say in the heat of the moment are nothing but words. They are a reflection of how I felt at the moment and not for my life. I know that Travis is my partner for life and that I can always count on him and I hope that he knows that about me. If I were to live like I was dying I would tell him this every single day. But sometimes, there are entire days when I don't even see him. There are days when he really pisses me off and I don't even want to talk to him.
The point is that to live like you're dying can be pretty impractical. The thing to remember is that if you lose someone, no matter what the last thing you said to them was, did they know that you loved them? Did they know how much they meant to you? We should tell our loved ones that as much as possible, but if you forget one day, that doesn't mean that you didn't. It just means that you got caught up in this thing called life. You have to get through each and every day as best as you can and the people that love you will understand. Everyone says things that they don't mean and don't say the things that they do mean. We need to live and love to the fullest that we are capable of and take life as it comes. We need to stop worrying about the future and live in the moment (without shrugging off our responsibilities.) I think the saying that we should dwell on is "All you need is love and sometimes people forget to say it or show it but it doesn't mean it isn't true."
If were given 6 months to live there is a list of things I would do. I would go to Greece, take my kids to Disney World, fall asleep with them in my arms every night, stop going to work and make crafts all day. The list would go on and on.
If today was truly my last day on Earth, I would not be typing this blog. I would be eating biscuits and gravy and I wouldn't take my eyes off of my children or husband all day. If I truly lived like I was dying, I would stop doing all of the mundane, everyday things that the "responsible" people do. I would stop balancing my checkbook to the penny every day. I would stop worrying about every calorie I consumed. I would stop doing the laundry and basically anything and everything that takes my time away from my family and friends. I would do nothing except enjoy the people that I love and not worry about anything.
To live like you're dying is putting a lot of pressure on ourselves. As much as I would tell my family on my last day on Earth - how much I love them and how they had made my life better, there is also so many things that I wouldn't be able to say for fear of upsetting them. I couldn't tell Travis if he had hurt my feelings or if I was angry with someone because I wouldn't want that to be what they remember about me when I was gone. I realize that I am taking the saying quite literally but I hope that even if the last words I spoke to Travis were angry ones, he would know how much I love him and appreciate him. I would hope that he would be able to look back at our life together and see how happy I was as a whole and not dwell on one day or one conversation.
The end of 2008 and all of 2009 was very difficult for us as a family. We had more loss in that time than either Travis or I had ever lost in our whole lives. Neither of us knew how to deal with this loss and on top of that Travis was going to school and I was working 60 plus hours a week. Our family life suffered a lot and there was more strain on our relationship than there ever had been before. I hope we never have to go thru anything like that again. We had some heinous fights and both of us went through periods of feeling very alone. That being said, I hope that if anything had happened to me during that time he wouldn't have dwelt on the harsh words I had spoken. I hope that he would have known that things we say in the heat of the moment are nothing but words. They are a reflection of how I felt at the moment and not for my life. I know that Travis is my partner for life and that I can always count on him and I hope that he knows that about me. If I were to live like I was dying I would tell him this every single day. But sometimes, there are entire days when I don't even see him. There are days when he really pisses me off and I don't even want to talk to him.
The point is that to live like you're dying can be pretty impractical. The thing to remember is that if you lose someone, no matter what the last thing you said to them was, did they know that you loved them? Did they know how much they meant to you? We should tell our loved ones that as much as possible, but if you forget one day, that doesn't mean that you didn't. It just means that you got caught up in this thing called life. You have to get through each and every day as best as you can and the people that love you will understand. Everyone says things that they don't mean and don't say the things that they do mean. We need to live and love to the fullest that we are capable of and take life as it comes. We need to stop worrying about the future and live in the moment (without shrugging off our responsibilities.) I think the saying that we should dwell on is "All you need is love and sometimes people forget to say it or show it but it doesn't mean it isn't true."
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