Thanksgiving?

The story of the first Thanksgiving is a good one. People can't get enough of it. Who doesn't want hand towels in the bathroom depicting smiling blond haired, blue eyed Pilgrims with their arms around a Native American wearing nothing but a loin cloth and a headdress. (Never mind the fact that it was harvest time in frickin' New England...) Thanksgiving was to celebrate the fact that the Pilgrims had survived the first few years in the New World with the help of their new BFF's, the Wampanoag Tribe. The Native Americans taught the white man how to live off the land, fish and grow food. The Native Americans helped the white man learn how to survive. It is no wonder we invited them to dinner, all of the Pilgrims would have been dead without them. The Native Americans saved the Pilgrims lives. That commands some serious thanks.

Now let's think about how the Pilgrims showed their appreciation for all that was given so freely from their new friends:

1. Disease - we brought small pox, plague (bubonic and others), influenza, tuberculosis and, hello? SYPHILIS! Who can't get enough of that?
2. Modern weaponry - while this can be helpful when defending oneself and in hunting food, wasn't it just the beginning of weapons of mass destruction?
3. Thievery - Clearly, they were here first. We came in (looking for solace from religious persecution) and took their land. Then we decided to start bossing these INDIGENOUS people around. They had their own tribes with governing bodies. There was war between tribes, of course, as with all civilization. But I have heard some make the argument that these these HUMAN BEINGS were barbarians and needed us to come in and teach them how to behave civilly, which brings me to my next point...
4. The Trail of Tears - I realize that the tribes that walked the trail were not the Wampanoag, however, they were still the "owners" of this land that we call America, that we so rudely swooped in and stole, just because we could. Apparently, the irony was lost on Andrew Jackson, that we were only here because we wanted to be free so we decided to take away the rights and freedom of an entire race of people whose land we took from them.
5. Retribution - In 2000, the Bureau of Indian Affairs officially apologized for having taken part in ethnic cleansing (took us long enough, didn't it?) To make up for our atrocious behavior, we have allowed these native people to live in reservations (of our choosing), the right to own and operate casinos and declared them a minority to further their chances of getting an education and job (again with the irony of the fact that they are a minority because of genocide at the hands of the white man is lost on so many.)

There are a lot of arguments (mainly from white males) that THEY are now the most discriminated against race/gender because "we" make so many allowances for the minorities. I respectfully disagree. The white male is rarely discriminated against in the work place. They are the highest paid and generally speaking have had it pretty easy. (The majority of white males did not grow up on a reservation or in the ghetto.) There are a lot of arguments that today's generation of whites don't owe today's generation of minorities anything because "we" didn't do anything to "them." While I agree that "we" didn't, shouldn't "we" step up to the plate and help our fellow humans out for all of the injustice in the world, regardless of who was at the heart of it? If we don't stop saying "I didn't do anything, why should I have to pay?" then nothing will ever get better.

I, with my entire heart and being, believe that we should give thanks to ourselves, our friends, our families and to our gods (if you so choose) for all that we have in our lives. But let's face it, the "Story of Thanksgiving" is as much of a fairy tale as Cinderella or Pretty Woman. It would be awesome if life was like that but it is not. This world is an ugly place and unfortunately, the "greedy white man" is usually at the center of it. I will teach my children to be thankful for all that they have. I remind them every day that they have so much to be thankful for. They are loved, never go to bed hungry, have a warm place to sleep and clothes on their backs. This is more than a lot of people have and will ever have. But I refuse to take the one day that is supposed to be about appreciating what we have and spend the entire day running around, shopping, cooking, cleaning and stressing out to make sure my family and I have a picture perfect day in which to give thanks instead of actually spending time with them. Do you think that is what our friends, the Native Americans, are doing? Nope, I bet they are thinking about all they did for us and kicking themselves in the ass!

How Garry Marshall, Julia Roberts and Richard Gere Ruined My Life

***The following piece of writing is purely a work of satire. Although the views in this blog are 100% my true feelings, I do know the difference between fact and fiction. Pretty Woman did not, in fact, ruin my life. It has only succeeded in irritating me and exacerbating societal issues with young girls and women of lesser intelligence and more susceptibility to the power of suggestion.***

In 1990, the movie Pretty Woman opened in wide release. It was critically acclaimed and nominated for several awards. It won a Golden Globe for Best Comedy. Of course, since I was ten when the movie came out, and because my parents were "involved" in my life, I didn't get to see it until I was almost 12 at a friend's house. (Her mother was decidedly less involved than mine.)

Considering the director is a beloved and well respected member of Hollywood and the fact that the leading roles are played by none other than "America's Sweetheart" and an "American Gigolo" (I am pretty sure that Vick still won't let me watch that movie) the movie has done well for itself in the last 20 years. Just ask any woman over the age of 25. It is the modern day Cinderella story (don't get me started on Cinderella...) But here is the problem. Not only is the movie filled with gum drops and rainbows so to speak, it also says "Go ahead, be a whore. Your prince will come one day and there will be no judgement."

But, I am here to tell you, it is a load of crap. Power brokers may in fact pick up a hooker in downtown LA but they aren't going to let you drive their six figure price tag, BORROWED car. They will not take you to the Hilton. They will not ask you to leave when they think you are doing drugs (because they are more than likely snorting a line of coke off of your belly) and they certainly will not think you are cute when you a guffawing at "I Love Lucy."

Men who pick up hookers do not care that "kissing on the mouth is too personal." They won't give you thousands of dollars to buy a dress so that you can eat escargot with a whale of a client. They don't want you to spend the week with them.

There are so many lies and fabrications in this movie it has surpassed ridiculousness. Really ladies, this is our fantasy? Do we want to be hookers and have to sell our bodies to make rent cause our crackhead roommate Kit spent it on drugs (and really? we keep the rent money in the toilet tank?) No, I say, if you want to be a hooker, be a hooker! But let's be honest about it and not have false expectations that we will soon meet a man that will ride up to our apartment in a white limo and climb the fire escape to whisk us off to life of luxury after knowing us for a week (in the regular and biblical sense.)

If you are going to be a hooker, just say, "I don't want to get a real job." I want to have sex and get paid for it (even if you tell yourself and others it is to pay for law school....) But you should be prepared for the fact that any man that sleeps with you while you are a hooker (or even a stripper, for that matter) will never marry you. He will never take you to the opera or a polo match. He will never tell any of his friends exactly how you make a living. (He will, however, tell them you are in public relations. That is assuming he is ever inclined to introduce you to any one he has ever met.)

You have to own it, ladies. Don't buy into the fairy tale. It is called a fairy tale for a reason. Because it will never happen. Be strong, independent women. Don't be hookers. Unless that is what YOU choose to do, then by all means do it. But don't make excuses. I am not interested in excuses.

And to you Garry Marshall, Julia Roberts and Richard Gere- kudos to you for making one hell of a movie!