Live Like You're Dying...

I used to think that to "live like you're dying" was excellent advice. We should all live each day to it's fullest because we never know when it will be our last. People that we love can be taken away from us is a split second and we could never be given the chance to tell them how we feel about them. That being said, I am not sure I agree with the saying.

If were given 6 months to live there is a list of things I would do. I would go to Greece, take my kids to Disney World, fall asleep with them in my arms every night, stop going to work and make crafts all day. The list would go on and on.

If today was truly my last day on Earth, I would not be typing this blog. I would be eating biscuits and gravy and I wouldn't take my eyes off of my children or husband all day. If I truly lived like I was dying, I would stop doing all of the mundane, everyday things that the "responsible" people do. I would stop balancing my checkbook to the penny every day. I would stop worrying about every calorie I consumed. I would stop doing the laundry and basically anything and everything that takes my time away from my family and friends. I would do nothing except enjoy the people that I love and not worry about anything.

To live like you're dying is putting a lot of pressure on ourselves. As much as I would tell my family on my last day on Earth - how much I love them and how they had made my life better, there is also so many things that I wouldn't be able to say for fear of upsetting them. I couldn't tell Travis if he had hurt my feelings or if I was angry with someone because I wouldn't want that to be what they remember about me when I was gone. I realize that I am taking the saying quite literally but I hope that even if the last words I spoke to Travis were angry ones, he would know how much I love him and appreciate him. I would hope that he would be able to look back at our life together and see how happy I was as a whole and not dwell on one day or one conversation.

The end of 2008 and all of 2009 was very difficult for us as a family. We had more loss in that time than either Travis or I had ever lost in our whole lives. Neither of us knew how to deal with this loss and on top of that Travis was going to school and I was working 60 plus hours a week. Our family life suffered a lot and there was more strain on our relationship than there ever had been before. I hope we never have to go thru anything like that again. We had some heinous fights and both of us went through periods of feeling very alone. That being said, I hope that if anything had happened to me during that time he wouldn't have dwelt on the harsh words I had spoken. I hope that he would have known that things we say in the heat of the moment are nothing but words. They are a reflection of how I felt at the moment and not for my life. I know that Travis is my partner for life and that I can always count on him and I hope that he knows that about me. If I were to live like I was dying I would tell him this every single day. But sometimes, there are entire days when I don't even see him. There are days when he really pisses me off and I don't even want to talk to him.

The point is that to live like you're dying can be pretty impractical. The thing to remember is that if you lose someone, no matter what the last thing you said to them was, did they know that you loved them? Did they know how much they meant to you? We should tell our loved ones that as much as possible, but if you forget one day, that doesn't mean that you didn't. It just means that you got caught up in this thing called life. You have to get through each and every day as best as you can and the people that love you will understand. Everyone says things that they don't mean and don't say the things that they do mean. We need to live and love to the fullest that we are capable of and take life as it comes. We need to stop worrying about the future and live in the moment (without shrugging off our responsibilities.) I think the saying that we should dwell on is "All you need is love and sometimes people forget to say it or show it but it doesn't mean it isn't true."