I am the wife of a fireman. At different times in my life, I have wanted to be various types of wives. The housewife, the trophy wife, the career wife, and most often - the lottery winner's wife! But being the fireman's wife is not something that I had ever considered.
When Travis told me that he wanted to go back to school to become a fireman, I thought "Great! He is finally doing something that he wants to do!" I supported him with my whole heart and was very excited for him. I never really thought about how it would affect me. In fact, when people asked me how I felt about it, I would say that I was happy for him and that everything would be great. Honestly though, I didn't know how I felt about it because I never really thought about it. I knew that I would have to sacrifice my time with my husband, not only to go to school but also because our schedules would be forever different. I can be a bit selfish sometimes (that is a shocking revelation, isn't it?) and I did not look forward to the inevitable times that he would be called away during dinner (or Christmas Eve.) That being said, it wasn't too hard of an adjustment to make.
Travis is still pretty new to the Firefighter/EMT career. He has been working for Franklin for about 6 weeks and has been a volunteer for about 8 months. He usually works a 12 hour shift every 3rd day and is now getting some 24 hour shifts thrown in. He is also on call every Monday, Tuesday and every other weekend and has meeting or training 3 Wednesdays a month. When you throw that in with my Thursday night class and two small children, we don't have much time to ourselves.
Last night I got stuck in the driveway (damn snow!) One of the perks of being a firefighter is that you get to borrow the snow plow so Travis got me out fairly quickly once he got home. He then had to plow two of the neighbor's driveways and then he got called on an EMT run. After all was said and done, he didn't get home until after 9:30. Our plans of eating dinner in bed and watching the Olympics were pretty much shot (the kids were at Mammaw's.)
I know it sounds like I am complaining, but I promise that I am not. Yesterday morning Travis got called on an EMT run. It was a "possible stroke victim" that turned out to be heart problems. He performed CPR on this person for an hour and a half before the person ultimately died. This as Travis's first fatality on a run. When he told me about it he said "I guess I am not much of a hero after all." But that is not true. He is a hero to me and to our kids and to that person's family. I would not have the knowledge or, more importantly, the courage to do what he did and I don't think many of us do. All the time he spends away from our family is a sacrifice that we are both willing to make because it is for the greater good of the community. If I or my family was hurt or dying, there is no one I would want more to be caring for them than Travis. He has everything that you could want in a rescuer. He has the knowledge, the courage and the heart to save lives and when one is lost, he goes out again and saves the next person. I have always been proud of my husband but I don't think I have ever been THIS proud. I am not just a fireman's wife, I am also a HERO'S WIFE!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Snow Day
It is quiet at my house. It is the second snow day in a row and I am ready for spring. Travis is plowing the driveway AGAIN and the kids are at Mammaw's 'cause of the road conditions. I couldn't drive home last night so I had to stay at my friend's house who lives close to work - I was prepared, I took my "ho bag" to work with me. The up side is that I had wonderful company and ate like a queen - roasted chicken and vegetables for dinner and DELICIOUS pancakes for breakfast. My pants won't ever fit again if there are many more snow days! The down side to snow days is that I don't get to see my kids.
I never used to be scared to drive in the snow but last winter did me in. I slid down a hill into a ditch, I "tapped" a car on the highway and spent the better part of January '09 stuck in weather related traffic. This year I can't stand the thought of doing it again. I get a stomach ache when I think about it and start to have panic attacks. I am sure the general public would rather me stay at home than get in the car and have a panic attack - You're Welcome Cincinnati!
Anyway, because of the snow, I haven't seen my kids since Monday night. I did get to see them for about an hour tonight before they had to leave. I really wanted to hang out with them tonight. I was prepared to paint Paige's toes (this an almost nightly event) and play Connect 4 with Hudson. They really didn't want to go tonight either which is rare for them. They love going to Mammaw's especially because Sam was going too. I think they were really missing me. I know it was better that they go tonight considering that Travis has to work at 6 am tomorrow and there is no telling what shape the roads will be in, but I REALLY didn't want them to go. They called me half way there and asked if they could come home or if I could go with them. Too bad we don't have a live in nanny. That would come in really handy right about now. It would also be really handy if my work believed in snow days, but alas, not even a major winter storm (or hurricane) can shut down the MAN!
I never used to be scared to drive in the snow but last winter did me in. I slid down a hill into a ditch, I "tapped" a car on the highway and spent the better part of January '09 stuck in weather related traffic. This year I can't stand the thought of doing it again. I get a stomach ache when I think about it and start to have panic attacks. I am sure the general public would rather me stay at home than get in the car and have a panic attack - You're Welcome Cincinnati!
Anyway, because of the snow, I haven't seen my kids since Monday night. I did get to see them for about an hour tonight before they had to leave. I really wanted to hang out with them tonight. I was prepared to paint Paige's toes (this an almost nightly event) and play Connect 4 with Hudson. They really didn't want to go tonight either which is rare for them. They love going to Mammaw's especially because Sam was going too. I think they were really missing me. I know it was better that they go tonight considering that Travis has to work at 6 am tomorrow and there is no telling what shape the roads will be in, but I REALLY didn't want them to go. They called me half way there and asked if they could come home or if I could go with them. Too bad we don't have a live in nanny. That would come in really handy right about now. It would also be really handy if my work believed in snow days, but alas, not even a major winter storm (or hurricane) can shut down the MAN!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Live Like You're Dying...
I used to think that to "live like you're dying" was excellent advice. We should all live each day to it's fullest because we never know when it will be our last. People that we love can be taken away from us is a split second and we could never be given the chance to tell them how we feel about them. That being said, I am not sure I agree with the saying.
If were given 6 months to live there is a list of things I would do. I would go to Greece, take my kids to Disney World, fall asleep with them in my arms every night, stop going to work and make crafts all day. The list would go on and on.
If today was truly my last day on Earth, I would not be typing this blog. I would be eating biscuits and gravy and I wouldn't take my eyes off of my children or husband all day. If I truly lived like I was dying, I would stop doing all of the mundane, everyday things that the "responsible" people do. I would stop balancing my checkbook to the penny every day. I would stop worrying about every calorie I consumed. I would stop doing the laundry and basically anything and everything that takes my time away from my family and friends. I would do nothing except enjoy the people that I love and not worry about anything.
To live like you're dying is putting a lot of pressure on ourselves. As much as I would tell my family on my last day on Earth - how much I love them and how they had made my life better, there is also so many things that I wouldn't be able to say for fear of upsetting them. I couldn't tell Travis if he had hurt my feelings or if I was angry with someone because I wouldn't want that to be what they remember about me when I was gone. I realize that I am taking the saying quite literally but I hope that even if the last words I spoke to Travis were angry ones, he would know how much I love him and appreciate him. I would hope that he would be able to look back at our life together and see how happy I was as a whole and not dwell on one day or one conversation.
The end of 2008 and all of 2009 was very difficult for us as a family. We had more loss in that time than either Travis or I had ever lost in our whole lives. Neither of us knew how to deal with this loss and on top of that Travis was going to school and I was working 60 plus hours a week. Our family life suffered a lot and there was more strain on our relationship than there ever had been before. I hope we never have to go thru anything like that again. We had some heinous fights and both of us went through periods of feeling very alone. That being said, I hope that if anything had happened to me during that time he wouldn't have dwelt on the harsh words I had spoken. I hope that he would have known that things we say in the heat of the moment are nothing but words. They are a reflection of how I felt at the moment and not for my life. I know that Travis is my partner for life and that I can always count on him and I hope that he knows that about me. If I were to live like I was dying I would tell him this every single day. But sometimes, there are entire days when I don't even see him. There are days when he really pisses me off and I don't even want to talk to him.
The point is that to live like you're dying can be pretty impractical. The thing to remember is that if you lose someone, no matter what the last thing you said to them was, did they know that you loved them? Did they know how much they meant to you? We should tell our loved ones that as much as possible, but if you forget one day, that doesn't mean that you didn't. It just means that you got caught up in this thing called life. You have to get through each and every day as best as you can and the people that love you will understand. Everyone says things that they don't mean and don't say the things that they do mean. We need to live and love to the fullest that we are capable of and take life as it comes. We need to stop worrying about the future and live in the moment (without shrugging off our responsibilities.) I think the saying that we should dwell on is "All you need is love and sometimes people forget to say it or show it but it doesn't mean it isn't true."
If were given 6 months to live there is a list of things I would do. I would go to Greece, take my kids to Disney World, fall asleep with them in my arms every night, stop going to work and make crafts all day. The list would go on and on.
If today was truly my last day on Earth, I would not be typing this blog. I would be eating biscuits and gravy and I wouldn't take my eyes off of my children or husband all day. If I truly lived like I was dying, I would stop doing all of the mundane, everyday things that the "responsible" people do. I would stop balancing my checkbook to the penny every day. I would stop worrying about every calorie I consumed. I would stop doing the laundry and basically anything and everything that takes my time away from my family and friends. I would do nothing except enjoy the people that I love and not worry about anything.
To live like you're dying is putting a lot of pressure on ourselves. As much as I would tell my family on my last day on Earth - how much I love them and how they had made my life better, there is also so many things that I wouldn't be able to say for fear of upsetting them. I couldn't tell Travis if he had hurt my feelings or if I was angry with someone because I wouldn't want that to be what they remember about me when I was gone. I realize that I am taking the saying quite literally but I hope that even if the last words I spoke to Travis were angry ones, he would know how much I love him and appreciate him. I would hope that he would be able to look back at our life together and see how happy I was as a whole and not dwell on one day or one conversation.
The end of 2008 and all of 2009 was very difficult for us as a family. We had more loss in that time than either Travis or I had ever lost in our whole lives. Neither of us knew how to deal with this loss and on top of that Travis was going to school and I was working 60 plus hours a week. Our family life suffered a lot and there was more strain on our relationship than there ever had been before. I hope we never have to go thru anything like that again. We had some heinous fights and both of us went through periods of feeling very alone. That being said, I hope that if anything had happened to me during that time he wouldn't have dwelt on the harsh words I had spoken. I hope that he would have known that things we say in the heat of the moment are nothing but words. They are a reflection of how I felt at the moment and not for my life. I know that Travis is my partner for life and that I can always count on him and I hope that he knows that about me. If I were to live like I was dying I would tell him this every single day. But sometimes, there are entire days when I don't even see him. There are days when he really pisses me off and I don't even want to talk to him.
The point is that to live like you're dying can be pretty impractical. The thing to remember is that if you lose someone, no matter what the last thing you said to them was, did they know that you loved them? Did they know how much they meant to you? We should tell our loved ones that as much as possible, but if you forget one day, that doesn't mean that you didn't. It just means that you got caught up in this thing called life. You have to get through each and every day as best as you can and the people that love you will understand. Everyone says things that they don't mean and don't say the things that they do mean. We need to live and love to the fullest that we are capable of and take life as it comes. We need to stop worrying about the future and live in the moment (without shrugging off our responsibilities.) I think the saying that we should dwell on is "All you need is love and sometimes people forget to say it or show it but it doesn't mean it isn't true."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
