Today I woke up and realized I was 30. So I rolled over and went back to sleep.
I have an appointment for Botox and collagen injections later today. And I have to go buy some anti aging cream and 100% gray coverage hair color. OK, enough of that.
I never thought I would be the girl that freaks out about turning 30. But it turns out I was wrong because I have only been 30 for 11 hours and I already don't like it. I don't feel any different. I don't look any different and Hudson already told me that I didn't get any bigger (thank goodness!) But now I feel like I have to be an adult and I really don't want to be.
A couple of weeks ago I went out with some friends from high school to celebrate turning the big 3-0. We had a great time, had some drinks and Mickey D's and in the morning we discussed our Health Savings Plans. Really??? This is what we have become? Of course, that being said, we are all healthy and happy in our respective relationships, have beautiful children (or none at all, by choice), but still. Thirteen years ago, if you had told us this was going to happen, we would have laughed at you. We would have said "Never." But it happened and while I don't love the fact that I am interested in HSA's, I am not disappointed either.
My first 30 years have been filled with love, laughter, heartache and bliss. I have loved, lost and loved again. I have created my life's work (my children) and met and married my life partner (that's you, Trav.) While I am not proud of all of my decisions in life, I wouldn't be who I am today without those decisions. I have learned to love me and be proud of me in a way that I don't think is possible when you are 19, 21 or even 27.
I am going to embrace my 30's with the same zealousness that I embraced my 20's. I am sure that I will learn more about life and love so that one day people may call me wise (without the sarcasm.) I will survive this decade and in 10 years there will be another blog about how I can't believe I am 40 and all that crap. of course by then I may actually need the Botox and the collagen. I sure hope not.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
First Day of School
Yesterday my baby (who is obviously no longer a baby) started kindergarten. He was so excited. When I woke him up, he jumped out of bed and was ready in a flash. He is excited about everything! Buying lunch, packing lunch, recess, riding the bus... You name it, he wants to do it. His teacher seems very nice. She is young so she doesn't seem bitter or jaded (yet.) She was very excited about school starting and it was hard not to share her enthusiasm.
I have mixed emotions about Hudson starting school. On the "Pro" side are the following:
1. He loves to learn.
2. Helping him with homework and doing all the fun stuff that comes along with school.
3. He can make friends (outside of my friend's children and his cousins.)
The "Con" side:
1. Travis and I will no longer be the primary influences on his life and decisions.
2. I can no longer control what he learns, sees, hears, or says.
3. As one of my friends stated: "It is the first day of the rest of his life."
I am definitely not ready for him to move on with his life. As much as I am enjoying watching him grow up, I am not ready for it. Travis has assured me that Hudson is not moving on from us, but a part of me feels that way. I miss him already. Yesterday was the first time in his entire life that I couldn't talk to him whenever the feeling struck me. I know this is a part of life (especially his) but it is a little bittersweet for me. It is hard for me to put my feelings into words, a rare occasion for me so I will just leave it at this: I love my son more than life itself. He is growing into an awesome person. I could not be more proud of him if I tried. I am not ready to share him with the world, but to not share would be an amazingly selfish thing to do. I want him to go see the world and make it a better place, as he has done for my life. I don't want to be in a world without him. He will go on to do great things, even if it is only to share his smile with the strangers he will see everyday.
I love you Hudson Joe!
I have mixed emotions about Hudson starting school. On the "Pro" side are the following:
1. He loves to learn.
2. Helping him with homework and doing all the fun stuff that comes along with school.
3. He can make friends (outside of my friend's children and his cousins.)
The "Con" side:
1. Travis and I will no longer be the primary influences on his life and decisions.
2. I can no longer control what he learns, sees, hears, or says.
3. As one of my friends stated: "It is the first day of the rest of his life."
I am definitely not ready for him to move on with his life. As much as I am enjoying watching him grow up, I am not ready for it. Travis has assured me that Hudson is not moving on from us, but a part of me feels that way. I miss him already. Yesterday was the first time in his entire life that I couldn't talk to him whenever the feeling struck me. I know this is a part of life (especially his) but it is a little bittersweet for me. It is hard for me to put my feelings into words, a rare occasion for me so I will just leave it at this: I love my son more than life itself. He is growing into an awesome person. I could not be more proud of him if I tried. I am not ready to share him with the world, but to not share would be an amazingly selfish thing to do. I want him to go see the world and make it a better place, as he has done for my life. I don't want to be in a world without him. He will go on to do great things, even if it is only to share his smile with the strangers he will see everyday.
I love you Hudson Joe!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Things I Learned at the Beach Waterpark
We took the kids to the Beach Waterpark for Ellen Family Fun Day. We all had a great time and it was very educational. Here is a list of all the things that I learned today. (A few things I already knew but they were reinforced.)
**Disclaimer: The following is to be taken lightly. This is a humorous and honest blog with no offense intended. Any resemblance to yourself, your friends or family is most likely coincidental.**
1. A white tank top over a very tiny bathing suit does not hide anything. We can see everything you didn't want us to.
2. If you tell your granddaughter that you will not buy her Dippin Dots (the "ice cream of the future") because it's $4 and that is ridiculous and then you proceed to buy a $3 beer in your $9.50 refillable mug, you will be judged.
3. Getting paw prints tattooed on your breasts does NOT make you look like Eve.
4. If your bottom is less than rockin, you should not wear a bikini with the words "Apple Bottoms" written on the backside in gold glitter. (This was especially disturbing as it was the same girl that mistook herself for Eve.) FYI - even if you have a hot body, you should think twice about wearing anything with gold glitter on your ass. It doesn't say classy like you think it does.
5. Although functional, under no circumstances are water shoes attractive.
6. There seems to be a rumor spreading like wildfire that neck tattoos are hot.
7. Wearing heels to the waterpark is not a good idea. And it makes you look like a fool.
8. If you sit in a chair for 4 hours instead of spending time with your wife, she will get mad and you will have to leave. (And then the Ellen's will take your primo spot in the sand.)
9. Just because it is August and the last 2 months have been unbearably hot, do not think that it won't be freezing cold (well, too cold to swim anyway) and rainy on the one day you decide to take the whole fam to the waterpark.
10. There is nothing more attractive to a mother than watching a father brave the ice cold water to play with his children for 6 hours and enjoy every minute of it. (This is a direct reference to my wonderful husband.)
Who knew one could learn so much just by sitting, relaxing, and people watching? I feel very wise today. Thank you, Beach Waterpark, Mason, OH!
**Disclaimer: The following is to be taken lightly. This is a humorous and honest blog with no offense intended. Any resemblance to yourself, your friends or family is most likely coincidental.**
1. A white tank top over a very tiny bathing suit does not hide anything. We can see everything you didn't want us to.
2. If you tell your granddaughter that you will not buy her Dippin Dots (the "ice cream of the future") because it's $4 and that is ridiculous and then you proceed to buy a $3 beer in your $9.50 refillable mug, you will be judged.
3. Getting paw prints tattooed on your breasts does NOT make you look like Eve.
4. If your bottom is less than rockin, you should not wear a bikini with the words "Apple Bottoms" written on the backside in gold glitter. (This was especially disturbing as it was the same girl that mistook herself for Eve.) FYI - even if you have a hot body, you should think twice about wearing anything with gold glitter on your ass. It doesn't say classy like you think it does.
5. Although functional, under no circumstances are water shoes attractive.
6. There seems to be a rumor spreading like wildfire that neck tattoos are hot.
7. Wearing heels to the waterpark is not a good idea. And it makes you look like a fool.
8. If you sit in a chair for 4 hours instead of spending time with your wife, she will get mad and you will have to leave. (And then the Ellen's will take your primo spot in the sand.)
9. Just because it is August and the last 2 months have been unbearably hot, do not think that it won't be freezing cold (well, too cold to swim anyway) and rainy on the one day you decide to take the whole fam to the waterpark.
10. There is nothing more attractive to a mother than watching a father brave the ice cold water to play with his children for 6 hours and enjoy every minute of it. (This is a direct reference to my wonderful husband.)
Who knew one could learn so much just by sitting, relaxing, and people watching? I feel very wise today. Thank you, Beach Waterpark, Mason, OH!
Monday, July 19, 2010
7/19/10
Today is my anniversary. My seven year anniversary to be exact. I am sitting at Dewey's Pizza waiting for Travis (I am early and he is late.) We have gone to Dewey's for 5 of our 7 anniversaries. It is "our place." As I patiently await the arrival of my man, I reflect on the last 7 years (8 if you count the year we dated) of my life - I mean, what else have I got to do?
Throughout our lives together, we have had the following - 1 house, 5 cars, 2 dogs, 3 pregnancies, 2 children, 1 room mate, 5 TV's, 3 computers, 9 DVD players (they keep breaking), 11 jobs and multitudes of fights. There have been bouts of unemployment (both of us but thankfully not at the same time), we have both been back to school (he is the only one that finished,) have been broke and at other times went through money like water (this, no doubt, had a direct effect on being broke the other times.) Right now, we are in a really good place. We don't get to see each other enough and I now have to use a day planner to keep up with every one's schedule, but we are really happy together.
I met Travis when I was only 21, was engaged 3 months later on my 22nd birthday and got married a month before I turned 23. It was a whirlwind romance and looking back, I realize how young I was. I knew that I loved him and that he loved me but I could not back then fathom the strength, patience and understanding that it takes to be married. I have grown up a lot since I got married and I think one of the things that make Trav and I work is that he has allowed (and I don't use that word in the "given permission" sense but the encouraged sense) me to find out who I am. He has never been jealous of my need for time to myself (something that I still struggle with) and has been supportive through out my career changes and art projects and numerous classes that take time and money so that I can learn how to be me.
There have been times when I wasn't sure if we were going to make it and a few when we almost gave up. I am sure there will be more times like that in the future. Travis and I have different political, religious, parental and environmental views. We have virtually nothing in common except one thing. We are committed to each other and our relationship. We are a team and we always will be.
When we first fell in love, we used to say "I love you, forever and always, even though and even if." That means that I love him "even though" he is a republican and "even if" he goes fishing for 10 days in Canada with no cell reception when we have a 4 month old baby and I almost have a nervous breakdown because I (irrationally) think he is abandoning me. It also means that he loves me "even though" I am a horrible pack rat that keeps every scrap of paper that the children ever scribbled on and "even if" I am physically incapable of walking out of Target without buying 10 additional items that I don't need and spending less than $100. We don't say that phrase much anymore. It has gotten lost in the chaos that is our lives, but we should. No matter what happens in the future (never say never and always expect the unexpected) I will always love Travis because I wouldn't be who I am today without him and more importantly, I wouldn't want to.
Throughout our lives together, we have had the following - 1 house, 5 cars, 2 dogs, 3 pregnancies, 2 children, 1 room mate, 5 TV's, 3 computers, 9 DVD players (they keep breaking), 11 jobs and multitudes of fights. There have been bouts of unemployment (both of us but thankfully not at the same time), we have both been back to school (he is the only one that finished,) have been broke and at other times went through money like water (this, no doubt, had a direct effect on being broke the other times.) Right now, we are in a really good place. We don't get to see each other enough and I now have to use a day planner to keep up with every one's schedule, but we are really happy together.
I met Travis when I was only 21, was engaged 3 months later on my 22nd birthday and got married a month before I turned 23. It was a whirlwind romance and looking back, I realize how young I was. I knew that I loved him and that he loved me but I could not back then fathom the strength, patience and understanding that it takes to be married. I have grown up a lot since I got married and I think one of the things that make Trav and I work is that he has allowed (and I don't use that word in the "given permission" sense but the encouraged sense) me to find out who I am. He has never been jealous of my need for time to myself (something that I still struggle with) and has been supportive through out my career changes and art projects and numerous classes that take time and money so that I can learn how to be me.
There have been times when I wasn't sure if we were going to make it and a few when we almost gave up. I am sure there will be more times like that in the future. Travis and I have different political, religious, parental and environmental views. We have virtually nothing in common except one thing. We are committed to each other and our relationship. We are a team and we always will be.
When we first fell in love, we used to say "I love you, forever and always, even though and even if." That means that I love him "even though" he is a republican and "even if" he goes fishing for 10 days in Canada with no cell reception when we have a 4 month old baby and I almost have a nervous breakdown because I (irrationally) think he is abandoning me. It also means that he loves me "even though" I am a horrible pack rat that keeps every scrap of paper that the children ever scribbled on and "even if" I am physically incapable of walking out of Target without buying 10 additional items that I don't need and spending less than $100. We don't say that phrase much anymore. It has gotten lost in the chaos that is our lives, but we should. No matter what happens in the future (never say never and always expect the unexpected) I will always love Travis because I wouldn't be who I am today without him and more importantly, I wouldn't want to.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Seriously???
I am a smart, successful and strikingly beautiful woman. (OK, that last one is definitely an exaggeration, but the first two are true.) I am able to follow directions, read a map and while I would never be described as "domestic" I have prepared a few tasty dishes in my life time. That being said, I am physically incapable of making an omelet. I am not talking about making the world's best omelet. I am talking about an edible ham and cheese omelet that other people would actually recognize as an omelet.
Hudson's very favorite food on the entire planet is a ham and cheese omelet. He doesn't have a large repertoire of food, but there is a special place in his little heart for ham and cheese in omelet form. He eats them almost every day, sometimes several times a day. Travis makes them for him, Mammaw makes them for him, Vick makes them for him and he orders them at restaurants. I am the only one unable to provide for my little omelet lover. I understand the concept, it is the execution that gets me every time. I just cannot flip those damned eggs over in one piece. So when I make breakfast, my poor little boy has to eat an "inside out omelet." (This is what we call the mess of scrambled eggs with chunks of ham and cheese in it that I put on his plate because every time I try to flip it all hell breaks loose and I am forced to start scrambling.) I know he still likes it and it is basically the same thing, but I just can't understand how I can let some little $.99/dozen eggs get the best of me.
I feel this may be held against me later in life, when Hudson is in therapy. The therapist will say "Tell me about your mother." Hudson will reply, "She was a good mom, or at least she tried. She just couldn't give me the only thing that I wanted, a ham and cheese omelet. She gave me scrambled eggs instead." Then there will be tears and bills for thousands of dollars and Hudson will never be able to have a successful relationship with someone that can't make an omelet. OK, that may be a little over the top, but it could happen.
I will conquer an omelet. I cannot let my son down. His future depends on it. Do you think there is an omelet making class I can take? Preferably online because I have a very hectic schedule.
Hudson's very favorite food on the entire planet is a ham and cheese omelet. He doesn't have a large repertoire of food, but there is a special place in his little heart for ham and cheese in omelet form. He eats them almost every day, sometimes several times a day. Travis makes them for him, Mammaw makes them for him, Vick makes them for him and he orders them at restaurants. I am the only one unable to provide for my little omelet lover. I understand the concept, it is the execution that gets me every time. I just cannot flip those damned eggs over in one piece. So when I make breakfast, my poor little boy has to eat an "inside out omelet." (This is what we call the mess of scrambled eggs with chunks of ham and cheese in it that I put on his plate because every time I try to flip it all hell breaks loose and I am forced to start scrambling.) I know he still likes it and it is basically the same thing, but I just can't understand how I can let some little $.99/dozen eggs get the best of me.
I feel this may be held against me later in life, when Hudson is in therapy. The therapist will say "Tell me about your mother." Hudson will reply, "She was a good mom, or at least she tried. She just couldn't give me the only thing that I wanted, a ham and cheese omelet. She gave me scrambled eggs instead." Then there will be tears and bills for thousands of dollars and Hudson will never be able to have a successful relationship with someone that can't make an omelet. OK, that may be a little over the top, but it could happen.
I will conquer an omelet. I cannot let my son down. His future depends on it. Do you think there is an omelet making class I can take? Preferably online because I have a very hectic schedule.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
This Motherhood Thing is Hard
When our children are young, we teach them to listen to their parents, grandparents, babysitters, teachers, etc. We tell them to follow directions and stay inside the lines. When our children grow up, we want them to question authority.
If our children are mean or bully others, we tell them that it's not OK because it isn't nice and it can hurt others' feelings. But when our children are the ones being picked on, we tell them that words can't hurt them.
When a child is young, we call them "independent" and bull headed as if it is a bad thing. When they grow up, we expect them to never back down from a fight or take no for an answer and relish in their persistence.
If we don't keep score, then we are raising "wimps" that have no sense of healthy competition yet if we do, we are clearly defining the roles of winners and losers, creating self involved, egotistical maniacs and self loathing nerds.
With these contradictions (and this is the tip of the iceberg), how are we supposed to know how to raise our kids? What is the correct answer to all of their tough questions? In the last month Hudson has asked me why people that aren't white live in America, if he will go to Hell for breaking a pinkie promise, and "why are all these Chinese people in here" (we were in a nail salon.) I did my best to explain the answers to these ridiculously mature (and ill informed) questions to my 5 year old. I have no idea if I did a good job or not.
Of course, I want my children to share my views of the world (I obviously believe I am correct) but I don't want them to have my views because I told them it was true. I want more than anything for them to think for themselves and draw their own conclusions of the world. I am painfully aware that when Hudson starts kindergarten, the value of my opinion is going to plummet and the opinions of his friends, his friends parents, his teachers, and even his favorite bands will be soaring. The only way I can do this is to arm them with knowledge, listen to them with acceptance and live my life filled with love.
I refuse to lie to my children, even (or most importantly) when it is regarding an uncomfortable topic. I have already explained what tampons are, how babies come out (both ways), and about adoption. My parents never lied to me and instilled in me the importance of telling the truth. I can't even lie to telemarketers. My parents censored my world with a very liberal hand. I wasn't allowed to watch Dirty Dancing even though I knew what an abortion was in kindergarten) but my father forced us to watch Tommy (FYI, Rick - this is not an appropriate movie for a 6 year old, no matter how important to their musical education.) I read Kurt Vonnegut in the eighth grade - I didn't understand most of it but I could definitely tell that dude was crazy. I may put an age requirement on Kurt Vonnegut and John Irving. (Also, no matter how it is marketed, Labyrinth is not a kids movie. No one under the age of 17 should be exposed to David Bowie is gold spandex.)
This past winter, as well as celebrating Christmas, we read books on Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. When answering questions about God, I am careful to begin with "Some people believe..." When asked about the future, I try to keep it as generic as possible so not to impose any of my expectations on my children. That being said, this is so much harder than I thought it would be.
I remember very vividly taking Paige and Hudson to the ball field to watch Travis play. It was August. It was hot, so very hot. Paige was 3 months old and Hudson had turned 2 in June. I had Paige in the sling sleeping and Hudson was playing in the dirt. We were having a good time until Hudson said he had to go potty. Potty training was something that we were toying with, but not necessarily actively pursuing. (I thought Hudson was too young to start worrying about it - I was wrong.) So there I was, trying to keep Paige from waking up - if she was awake, she was screaming, and taking off Hudson's diaper and trying to get him to hover over the potty in a disgustingly dirty bathroom, telling him "Don't touch anything!" while covered in sweat and dirt. I remember thinking "I can't do this." That was a piece of cake to what I have on my hands now. Sure, that was physically demanding, but what am I supposed to say when my son tells me that only white people are from America? How do I teach them to know the difference between the truth and a lie? How do I keep from screwing my kids up?
This world is full of bad news. It is full of double standards and contradictions. I need to figure out how to filter (not censor) the bad while exposing all of the good. I would rather my children be wise than smart. I would rather them be loving and accepting than "important." I want them to be able to respect other's opinions without buying into them and I want them to believe in themselves and humanity always.
If our children are mean or bully others, we tell them that it's not OK because it isn't nice and it can hurt others' feelings. But when our children are the ones being picked on, we tell them that words can't hurt them.
When a child is young, we call them "independent" and bull headed as if it is a bad thing. When they grow up, we expect them to never back down from a fight or take no for an answer and relish in their persistence.
If we don't keep score, then we are raising "wimps" that have no sense of healthy competition yet if we do, we are clearly defining the roles of winners and losers, creating self involved, egotistical maniacs and self loathing nerds.
With these contradictions (and this is the tip of the iceberg), how are we supposed to know how to raise our kids? What is the correct answer to all of their tough questions? In the last month Hudson has asked me why people that aren't white live in America, if he will go to Hell for breaking a pinkie promise, and "why are all these Chinese people in here" (we were in a nail salon.) I did my best to explain the answers to these ridiculously mature (and ill informed) questions to my 5 year old. I have no idea if I did a good job or not.
Of course, I want my children to share my views of the world (I obviously believe I am correct) but I don't want them to have my views because I told them it was true. I want more than anything for them to think for themselves and draw their own conclusions of the world. I am painfully aware that when Hudson starts kindergarten, the value of my opinion is going to plummet and the opinions of his friends, his friends parents, his teachers, and even his favorite bands will be soaring. The only way I can do this is to arm them with knowledge, listen to them with acceptance and live my life filled with love.
I refuse to lie to my children, even (or most importantly) when it is regarding an uncomfortable topic. I have already explained what tampons are, how babies come out (both ways), and about adoption. My parents never lied to me and instilled in me the importance of telling the truth. I can't even lie to telemarketers. My parents censored my world with a very liberal hand. I wasn't allowed to watch Dirty Dancing even though I knew what an abortion was in kindergarten) but my father forced us to watch Tommy (FYI, Rick - this is not an appropriate movie for a 6 year old, no matter how important to their musical education.) I read Kurt Vonnegut in the eighth grade - I didn't understand most of it but I could definitely tell that dude was crazy. I may put an age requirement on Kurt Vonnegut and John Irving. (Also, no matter how it is marketed, Labyrinth is not a kids movie. No one under the age of 17 should be exposed to David Bowie is gold spandex.)
This past winter, as well as celebrating Christmas, we read books on Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. When answering questions about God, I am careful to begin with "Some people believe..." When asked about the future, I try to keep it as generic as possible so not to impose any of my expectations on my children. That being said, this is so much harder than I thought it would be.
I remember very vividly taking Paige and Hudson to the ball field to watch Travis play. It was August. It was hot, so very hot. Paige was 3 months old and Hudson had turned 2 in June. I had Paige in the sling sleeping and Hudson was playing in the dirt. We were having a good time until Hudson said he had to go potty. Potty training was something that we were toying with, but not necessarily actively pursuing. (I thought Hudson was too young to start worrying about it - I was wrong.) So there I was, trying to keep Paige from waking up - if she was awake, she was screaming, and taking off Hudson's diaper and trying to get him to hover over the potty in a disgustingly dirty bathroom, telling him "Don't touch anything!" while covered in sweat and dirt. I remember thinking "I can't do this." That was a piece of cake to what I have on my hands now. Sure, that was physically demanding, but what am I supposed to say when my son tells me that only white people are from America? How do I teach them to know the difference between the truth and a lie? How do I keep from screwing my kids up?
This world is full of bad news. It is full of double standards and contradictions. I need to figure out how to filter (not censor) the bad while exposing all of the good. I would rather my children be wise than smart. I would rather them be loving and accepting than "important." I want them to be able to respect other's opinions without buying into them and I want them to believe in themselves and humanity always.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
My Hero
My husband is my hero. I have never been more in awe of him than I was on Friday and every time I think about that day.
We were on vacation. This is a time of relaxation and us being off the grid. I hadn't thought about work in a week. Work was the furthest thing from my mind. Work should have been the furthest thing from Travis' mind but I guess when you are a Firefighter/EMT you are never truly off duty.
We were in the hotel pool, playing with our kids, having a beer when I hear a woman start screaming. I have to be honest, when I first heard the screaming, I thought "WTF? Why the hell is that woman screaming?" It turns out that a little boy was drowning. I don't know if the screaming woman was the little boy's mom or a stranger, but if she hadn't started screaming this story may not have such a happy ending. Apparently, the little boy had been playing with the diving sticks, or that is what I heard, when he started to drown. No one knows how long he was under but someone pulled him out and Travis preformed CPR. He was doing compressions and another pool goer who happened to be a nurse was doing mouth to mouth. All I could see was a small pair of feet and legs sticking out of the crowd.
I couldn't watch and I didn't want to. All around me people were crying. A lot of the people stood around and watched the drama. I grabbed the kids and walked to the beach. Hudson, who is very observant, kept asking me what was going on. I just told him that there was an emergency and Daddy had to help. I tried to keep them distracted but it was really hard, especially since I could barely stand up. When I heard the ambulance sirens, my knees almost buckled. I couldn't think straight and I was shaking. I wouldn't let go of Hudson and Paige's hands and they couldn't understand why. I could tell that word of the accident was spreading by watching the people on the beach. They were standing in clusters talking and kept looking back at our hotel. It seemed like an eternity before Travis came to find me and the kids.
He finally found us and it seemed like a full 5 minutes before he told me the boy was OK. I am sure it was only like 5 seconds but he couldn't tell me fast enough. It took six rounds of CPR but Travis finally got his pulse back. He was breathing on his own but was still unresponsive when the ambulance took him to the hospital. As soon as Trav told me he had a pulse, I started crying. I couldn't stand the thought of someone almost losing a child. The hotel confirmed that he was released the next day and he was perfectly fine. I don't know that boy or his parents but I am so glad that my husband saved their lives - all of theirs. I couldn't have done that. He was so calm and knew exactly what to do. That is his job, I get that, but I have never seen him do that before. My husband saved some one's life. That little boy has a future because of Travis. His parents will always be grateful to my husband. He is a hero to many, not just me.
We told the kids what happened, but they don't understand. This is something that they won't be able to understand until they have children of their own and I hope they never fully understand. My children are an extension of my being. I live inside them and they live inside me. I imagine all parents feel that way. My husband preserved that for complete strangers. He is amazing. He is and always will be my hero.
We were on vacation. This is a time of relaxation and us being off the grid. I hadn't thought about work in a week. Work was the furthest thing from my mind. Work should have been the furthest thing from Travis' mind but I guess when you are a Firefighter/EMT you are never truly off duty.
We were in the hotel pool, playing with our kids, having a beer when I hear a woman start screaming. I have to be honest, when I first heard the screaming, I thought "WTF? Why the hell is that woman screaming?" It turns out that a little boy was drowning. I don't know if the screaming woman was the little boy's mom or a stranger, but if she hadn't started screaming this story may not have such a happy ending. Apparently, the little boy had been playing with the diving sticks, or that is what I heard, when he started to drown. No one knows how long he was under but someone pulled him out and Travis preformed CPR. He was doing compressions and another pool goer who happened to be a nurse was doing mouth to mouth. All I could see was a small pair of feet and legs sticking out of the crowd.
I couldn't watch and I didn't want to. All around me people were crying. A lot of the people stood around and watched the drama. I grabbed the kids and walked to the beach. Hudson, who is very observant, kept asking me what was going on. I just told him that there was an emergency and Daddy had to help. I tried to keep them distracted but it was really hard, especially since I could barely stand up. When I heard the ambulance sirens, my knees almost buckled. I couldn't think straight and I was shaking. I wouldn't let go of Hudson and Paige's hands and they couldn't understand why. I could tell that word of the accident was spreading by watching the people on the beach. They were standing in clusters talking and kept looking back at our hotel. It seemed like an eternity before Travis came to find me and the kids.
He finally found us and it seemed like a full 5 minutes before he told me the boy was OK. I am sure it was only like 5 seconds but he couldn't tell me fast enough. It took six rounds of CPR but Travis finally got his pulse back. He was breathing on his own but was still unresponsive when the ambulance took him to the hospital. As soon as Trav told me he had a pulse, I started crying. I couldn't stand the thought of someone almost losing a child. The hotel confirmed that he was released the next day and he was perfectly fine. I don't know that boy or his parents but I am so glad that my husband saved their lives - all of theirs. I couldn't have done that. He was so calm and knew exactly what to do. That is his job, I get that, but I have never seen him do that before. My husband saved some one's life. That little boy has a future because of Travis. His parents will always be grateful to my husband. He is a hero to many, not just me.
We told the kids what happened, but they don't understand. This is something that they won't be able to understand until they have children of their own and I hope they never fully understand. My children are an extension of my being. I live inside them and they live inside me. I imagine all parents feel that way. My husband preserved that for complete strangers. He is amazing. He is and always will be my hero.
Best Vacation Ever!
We just got back from the best vacation ever! The four of us went down to Myrtle Beach, SC for 4 days of hot, sunny, sandy bliss. We left Wednesday night with all intentions of driving all night, which of course did not pan out as Travis was sleepy from being a hero all day (sans sarcasm) and I was tired from packing for 4 people, shuttling children and puppies all day being a working mom that was going on vacation (there is a lot to do to get ready for vacation!)
Anyway, I was very proud of my packing job. The last time I attempted to pack for Travis, I failed to pack him any shirts. I don't mean that I didn't pack him any clean shirts or dress shirts or T shirts. I mean that I didn't pack him anything to cover the upper half of his body. He was not a happy camper. But this time I packed for all of us and I did a pretty darn good job. I managed to pack everything that everyone needed but without packing too much which is my usual modus operandi. Oh wait, I did forget the adult toothpaste but I brought the kid toothpaste which, in case you were wondering, is absolutely disgusting. I also loaded the car completely by myself, hooked up the new DVD player (money very well spent), got waxed and pedicured (Paige also got a pedicure but passed on the waxing), took Hudson to get a haircut and went to my nephew's baseball game (but got rained out.) I was pooped. Travis started driving at 11:15 on Wednesday night and I woke up at 5:50 Thursday morning at a rest stop 50 miles outside of Knoxville, TN. Since Travis was exhausted (he is a hero for a living, you know) I decided to get the show on the road. I ran into the rest stop to pee without a bra on, "You're welcome Mr. All Night Rest Stop Security Guard" and downed a 5 hour energy (disgusting but works) and started hauling some vacation ass.
It should be noted that in the entire 8 years that Travis and I have been together, I have only driven a car in which he has been a passenger about 10 times. (This may be a slight exaggeration but seriously, he never lets me drive.) I tried to text (it was just 1 message, Mom!) and that wasn't allowed. When I was searching in my purse for my Chapstick, he grabbed the wheel and I don't think he even really wanted me to scan the radio stations. That being said, it wasn't long before I gave up the pilot's seat and opted to be the navigator instead. The kids were awesome on the trip (way better than I had imagined) and it was all totally worth it when the kids saw the ocean for the very first time.
The first thing we did after checking in was walk to the ocean. Paige immediately started rolling around in the sand looking suspiciously like a SI swimsuit model vying for the cover and Hudson was yelling "Come on, Ocean! You can't take me!" I loved watching them experience the sand - we built a sand castle; Travis is quite the sand castle engineer. We found a crab. We jumped in the waves. After we dragged them out of the water, we went to eat at Margaritaville - delicious! There was a funk band that Hudson loved and he did a little showcase of his dance moves. We also went to the old time amusement park and Hudson was quite the dare devil. He rode the Viking Ship and the Caterpillar (which made Mommy very nauseous.) Paige rode the mini Viking Ship and we all rode the carousel (which also made Mommy nauseous. I think I am getting old.)
The next day we did more beach and pool and then went out to dinner with Matt, Jess and Baby Gus. We did some souvenir shopping - Paige got a dress, shocker! and Hudson wanted a Hermit Crab cage (no crab, thank goodness, just the cage for his shells.) On Saturday we just hung out at the pool that day, no beach for us, but we did go to Pirate Mini Golf which Hudson loved and Paige didn't care for too much even though she got a hole in one. Travis got 6 hole in ones and I think he is contemplating a career change. We then ate pizza and played Boccie Ball in the yard. Krista joined us that day and the kids fell in love her. Hudson was doing great swimming with his water wings and Paige (Little Miss Sassy Pants) says she already knows how to swim but she loves jumping off the side of the pool into our arms. Paige also had a few new imaginary friends show up on vacation - Kenna, Wuska (I think she is Russian) and Cheryl. Hudson just hung out with Chain (he is a super hero.) I love those kids.
On the last full day of vacation we slept in and then ate breakfast with the Berg's and Krista. Then we headed to the beach but that was short lived because it was too windy. We went back to the pools - we got lazy in the Lazy River and Paige did lots of "swimming" in "her pool" (the mini Lazy River.) Jess, Krista and I went to get massages (awesome!) while the boys and Paige rested and then we hit the pool again. After that, we went to Joe's Crab Shack for dinner where they sang Happy Birthday to the kids and they got to paint crab shaped Rice Krispie Treats with strawberry, chocolate and caramel sauce - they loved it. It was the perfect ending to a perfect vacation.
I am sorry that our first official Ellen (Bergman and Cornehl included) family vacation is over but it couldn't have been more perfect. The children were wonderful and we had so much fun. Even the car ride home wasn't miserable. We went to Sonny's BBQ (a must whenever we go south of Corbin, KY) and it was delicious as always. Paige ate everything. The kids were not ready to come home and nor was I. It was the first vacation that no part of me was ready for it to be over because this was the first time that I had all the people I love on vacation with me. I can't wait to do it again next year!!!
Anyway, I was very proud of my packing job. The last time I attempted to pack for Travis, I failed to pack him any shirts. I don't mean that I didn't pack him any clean shirts or dress shirts or T shirts. I mean that I didn't pack him anything to cover the upper half of his body. He was not a happy camper. But this time I packed for all of us and I did a pretty darn good job. I managed to pack everything that everyone needed but without packing too much which is my usual modus operandi. Oh wait, I did forget the adult toothpaste but I brought the kid toothpaste which, in case you were wondering, is absolutely disgusting. I also loaded the car completely by myself, hooked up the new DVD player (money very well spent), got waxed and pedicured (Paige also got a pedicure but passed on the waxing), took Hudson to get a haircut and went to my nephew's baseball game (but got rained out.) I was pooped. Travis started driving at 11:15 on Wednesday night and I woke up at 5:50 Thursday morning at a rest stop 50 miles outside of Knoxville, TN. Since Travis was exhausted (he is a hero for a living, you know) I decided to get the show on the road. I ran into the rest stop to pee without a bra on, "You're welcome Mr. All Night Rest Stop Security Guard" and downed a 5 hour energy (disgusting but works) and started hauling some vacation ass.
It should be noted that in the entire 8 years that Travis and I have been together, I have only driven a car in which he has been a passenger about 10 times. (This may be a slight exaggeration but seriously, he never lets me drive.) I tried to text (it was just 1 message, Mom!) and that wasn't allowed. When I was searching in my purse for my Chapstick, he grabbed the wheel and I don't think he even really wanted me to scan the radio stations. That being said, it wasn't long before I gave up the pilot's seat and opted to be the navigator instead. The kids were awesome on the trip (way better than I had imagined) and it was all totally worth it when the kids saw the ocean for the very first time.
The first thing we did after checking in was walk to the ocean. Paige immediately started rolling around in the sand looking suspiciously like a SI swimsuit model vying for the cover and Hudson was yelling "Come on, Ocean! You can't take me!" I loved watching them experience the sand - we built a sand castle; Travis is quite the sand castle engineer. We found a crab. We jumped in the waves. After we dragged them out of the water, we went to eat at Margaritaville - delicious! There was a funk band that Hudson loved and he did a little showcase of his dance moves. We also went to the old time amusement park and Hudson was quite the dare devil. He rode the Viking Ship and the Caterpillar (which made Mommy very nauseous.) Paige rode the mini Viking Ship and we all rode the carousel (which also made Mommy nauseous. I think I am getting old.)
The next day we did more beach and pool and then went out to dinner with Matt, Jess and Baby Gus. We did some souvenir shopping - Paige got a dress, shocker! and Hudson wanted a Hermit Crab cage (no crab, thank goodness, just the cage for his shells.) On Saturday we just hung out at the pool that day, no beach for us, but we did go to Pirate Mini Golf which Hudson loved and Paige didn't care for too much even though she got a hole in one. Travis got 6 hole in ones and I think he is contemplating a career change. We then ate pizza and played Boccie Ball in the yard. Krista joined us that day and the kids fell in love her. Hudson was doing great swimming with his water wings and Paige (Little Miss Sassy Pants) says she already knows how to swim but she loves jumping off the side of the pool into our arms. Paige also had a few new imaginary friends show up on vacation - Kenna, Wuska (I think she is Russian) and Cheryl. Hudson just hung out with Chain (he is a super hero.) I love those kids.
On the last full day of vacation we slept in and then ate breakfast with the Berg's and Krista. Then we headed to the beach but that was short lived because it was too windy. We went back to the pools - we got lazy in the Lazy River and Paige did lots of "swimming" in "her pool" (the mini Lazy River.) Jess, Krista and I went to get massages (awesome!) while the boys and Paige rested and then we hit the pool again. After that, we went to Joe's Crab Shack for dinner where they sang Happy Birthday to the kids and they got to paint crab shaped Rice Krispie Treats with strawberry, chocolate and caramel sauce - they loved it. It was the perfect ending to a perfect vacation.
I am sorry that our first official Ellen (Bergman and Cornehl included) family vacation is over but it couldn't have been more perfect. The children were wonderful and we had so much fun. Even the car ride home wasn't miserable. We went to Sonny's BBQ (a must whenever we go south of Corbin, KY) and it was delicious as always. Paige ate everything. The kids were not ready to come home and nor was I. It was the first vacation that no part of me was ready for it to be over because this was the first time that I had all the people I love on vacation with me. I can't wait to do it again next year!!!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
My Baby Boy
My baby boy turned 5 today. And yes, I cried. I cried because he is growing up and I am not ready for it. Sometimes when I look at him, I can't believe how fast the last 5 years have gone by. He told me today that no matter what, he would always be my baby. I hope that is true.
Hudson is the sweetest child I have ever known. He loves to love. When he tells me I am beautiful (which is pretty often,) I feel like I have just won the Miss America contest. He is always ready to cuddle and always appreciative of gifts, no matter how big or small. I have never seen a kid get so excited about a plastic stool so he could reach the sink. When he's tired he likes to rub my ponytail and I love it. He is the reason I won't cut my hair.
Hudson loves to sing and listen to music. (He gets that from me.) Right now, his favorite is Jet - "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" but his recent playlist includes the Black Eyed Peas and The White Stripes. And of course, he loves Paul McCartney's Band on the Run. He knows the entire album. He plays a mean "air drum," just like his momma and don't tell anyone but he likes to dance with his sister. Hudson also loves to do crafts like me and has a new love of bedazzling. I love that he takes after me in some ways because other than these things (and a flair for the dramatics - we actually had to have a bedside vigil tonight when he scraped his leg; he is hoping he will be able to make a swift recovery so he can come on vacation with us tomorrow but as he stated "I can't control it!") he is all Travis.
He is a boy's boy. He loves sports and wants to play superhero (or as he calls it "action") all the time. He loves to fish and Travis is counting the days until he is old enough to take on the annual Alabama trip for the crappie run. He likes fart and poop jokes and when we wrestle he gives me a "butt face" which is exactly what it sounds like - he sits on my face until I tap out. It generally doesn't take me long.
Hudson is inquisitive (see my prior blog called Questions and Answers) and loves to know everything. He has asked me after I gotten home from work on more than one occasion, "So Mom, how much money did you make today?" He wants to know how everything is made and why your pinkie is called a pinkie and why I don't know a lot about space. He loves to do math and I am not positive but I am pretty sure he is starting learn how to read (I am not sure because neither Travis or I have taught him but he keeps "reading" things. He might be just guessing what the words are but if he is then he is a pretty good guesser.) He is always talking about what kind of school he should go to - fire school, chef school - he can't decide.
Right now, he thinks that I am pretty much the coolest thing ever. He loves to hang out with me and hates to stay anywhere overnight besides home. I fear that those days are quickly coming to a close. Hudson will soon be ditching me for sleepovers after basketball games and then shortly after that, he will be dating. He already loves the ladies so I am positive he will be quite the man around town. I hope that I will be able to teach him all the things he will need to know about girls and life in general because I don't want his future spouse to ever say "Didn't your mother ever teach you anything?"
Today, as we were talking about the future (he is so excited about starting school in the fall) he told me that he would always be my baby boy. He also told me that when the teacher said it was math time he would tell her that he already knew how to do "maf." (He is pretty good at math, though.)
I never knew how much you could love someone until I met him. Hudson stole my heart from the very beginning and I have never looked back. When I look at his face, it melts my heart every single time. I am excited for him that he is growing up; there are so many things that he wants to do. At the same time, though, I am scared and sad about all the things that he is about to experience.
Travis and I will no longer be the primary influences in his life, his friends will be. I won't be able to filter the things that he learns and hears from others. I don't want to lose him. I am dreading the day that he is too busy or embarrassed to give me a kiss before he runs off to play. I can only hope that he will always know how much I love him and support him. I will be proud of him no matter what and as long as he is happy in his life, I will consider my parenting a success.
Hudson Joseph Ellen (or Hudson Jophes, as he says) is my "best boy ever" and I hope he never forgets it. He is my smile, my heart and my love. He makes my world sparkle.
Hudson is the sweetest child I have ever known. He loves to love. When he tells me I am beautiful (which is pretty often,) I feel like I have just won the Miss America contest. He is always ready to cuddle and always appreciative of gifts, no matter how big or small. I have never seen a kid get so excited about a plastic stool so he could reach the sink. When he's tired he likes to rub my ponytail and I love it. He is the reason I won't cut my hair.
Hudson loves to sing and listen to music. (He gets that from me.) Right now, his favorite is Jet - "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" but his recent playlist includes the Black Eyed Peas and The White Stripes. And of course, he loves Paul McCartney's Band on the Run. He knows the entire album. He plays a mean "air drum," just like his momma and don't tell anyone but he likes to dance with his sister. Hudson also loves to do crafts like me and has a new love of bedazzling. I love that he takes after me in some ways because other than these things (and a flair for the dramatics - we actually had to have a bedside vigil tonight when he scraped his leg; he is hoping he will be able to make a swift recovery so he can come on vacation with us tomorrow but as he stated "I can't control it!") he is all Travis.
He is a boy's boy. He loves sports and wants to play superhero (or as he calls it "action") all the time. He loves to fish and Travis is counting the days until he is old enough to take on the annual Alabama trip for the crappie run. He likes fart and poop jokes and when we wrestle he gives me a "butt face" which is exactly what it sounds like - he sits on my face until I tap out. It generally doesn't take me long.
Hudson is inquisitive (see my prior blog called Questions and Answers) and loves to know everything. He has asked me after I gotten home from work on more than one occasion, "So Mom, how much money did you make today?" He wants to know how everything is made and why your pinkie is called a pinkie and why I don't know a lot about space. He loves to do math and I am not positive but I am pretty sure he is starting learn how to read (I am not sure because neither Travis or I have taught him but he keeps "reading" things. He might be just guessing what the words are but if he is then he is a pretty good guesser.) He is always talking about what kind of school he should go to - fire school, chef school - he can't decide.
Right now, he thinks that I am pretty much the coolest thing ever. He loves to hang out with me and hates to stay anywhere overnight besides home. I fear that those days are quickly coming to a close. Hudson will soon be ditching me for sleepovers after basketball games and then shortly after that, he will be dating. He already loves the ladies so I am positive he will be quite the man around town. I hope that I will be able to teach him all the things he will need to know about girls and life in general because I don't want his future spouse to ever say "Didn't your mother ever teach you anything?"
Today, as we were talking about the future (he is so excited about starting school in the fall) he told me that he would always be my baby boy. He also told me that when the teacher said it was math time he would tell her that he already knew how to do "maf." (He is pretty good at math, though.)
I never knew how much you could love someone until I met him. Hudson stole my heart from the very beginning and I have never looked back. When I look at his face, it melts my heart every single time. I am excited for him that he is growing up; there are so many things that he wants to do. At the same time, though, I am scared and sad about all the things that he is about to experience.
Travis and I will no longer be the primary influences in his life, his friends will be. I won't be able to filter the things that he learns and hears from others. I don't want to lose him. I am dreading the day that he is too busy or embarrassed to give me a kiss before he runs off to play. I can only hope that he will always know how much I love him and support him. I will be proud of him no matter what and as long as he is happy in his life, I will consider my parenting a success.
Hudson Joseph Ellen (or Hudson Jophes, as he says) is my "best boy ever" and I hope he never forgets it. He is my smile, my heart and my love. He makes my world sparkle.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Alyson Paige Ellen
Today my baby girl turned 3. This is something that I have been looking forward to (I LOVE birthdays) and something that makes me sad. Paige is practically perfect in every way. She is loving (the majority of the time), imaginative (always), determined (sometimes a bad thing) and strikingly beautiful. I love watching my children grow up but at the same time, they are growing up way too fast.
Paige is also dramatic in every way. She has been dramatic from conception. First of all, she was conceived two weeks after I had a miscarriage. I should have paid attention in health class when they pounded it into our heads that you can get pregnant AT ANY MOMENT! Needless to say, I was not ready to be pregnant again. I wasn't even ready to not be pregnant anymore. I can't say how long it takes to get over a miscarriage but I can promise that it is definitely more than two weeks. Travis and I had decided that we wouldn't be trying again any time soon but Paige had different plans.
My pregnancy was anything but easy. It came at a time when we were trying to make it as owners of a mortgage company and money was tight. Hudson was only 15 months old and I was an emotional wreck. I yelled at Travis, a lot. Then to add to the drama, I had Placenta Previa, so I had to be super careful about everything. And there was no "mommy and daddy" time for 6 months.
During my "travelling baby shower," Paige decided that she wanted some more attention I started bleeding. Very awkward in the middle of Johnny Carino's. We had to cancel the rest of the shower (lunch, mall and makeovers) and go straight to the hospital. At least my hair and my toes looked good (the first stop of the shower was the salon where I got my hair done and a pedicure.) Anyway, the girls had to take me to the hospital where I had to be on bed rest for the whole weekend. Of course this happened on the weekend that Travis and his family was in Lake Cumberland and had to cut the trip short.
Even her delivery was fairly dramatic. It was a planned C section but there was an issue with the placenta, too much bleeding, etc. Then she didn't stop screaming for the first year of her life.
With all of the drama, it is fair to say that I had a hard time bonding with my beautiful baby girl. I just didn't feel the connection that I had the last time I had given birth. I am not sure when it started to change, I guess it was gradual. All I can say now is that I couldn't imagine my life without her.
Paige is still very dramatic but usually in a good way. She loves to dance and sing. Her favorite song to sing is "I love you, I don't hate you." She came up with that one herself. She wants to be an adult. She wears my heels and changes her clothes 5 times a day. She always wants to wear dresses and makeup and she has more purses than I do. She has never seen something shiny or glittery that she didn't like. Her favorite shows are Gilmore Girls and iCarly. She loves to pretend that she is a mommy and talks about her "boyfriend" which is Travis. If you cross her, she will make you pay. If she has her heart set on something, she won't take no for an answer.
I hope that my daughter dreams big and tries hard. I want her to be a strong, independent woman that will go after what she wants even if she will be disappointed in the end. I want her to change the world in her own way. She doesn't need to have a fancy job or title, as long as she is educated and fulfilled, I will feel like I have done my part in raising her. I don't ever want her to lose her sassiness or spunk because that is who she is. I want her to make good decisions and when she doesn't, I want her to take responsibility for them.
It makes my day when someone says she looks like me. We even have the same mole on our bellies in the exact same place and I smile every time I see it. She makes me laugh everyday and I can't get enough of her kisses. (Sometimes when I ask for one she tells me that she doesn't have any because a bad guy took them so I have to give her one of mine.) I love to fix her hair hair and play dress up with her. Today, for her birthday, we had a tea party (with lemonade) at the Bon Bonerie and got our nails done. (She decided at the last minute that she didn't want any one else to do it but she had fun anyway.) I can't even get mad at her when she writes on my walls 'cause she is so stinkin cute. She loves our new baby dog (that is what she calls puppies) more than anything and has a new fascination with worms.
Paige is my everything. My sun rises and sets with her. I am sad that I missed the bonding with her as an infant that I should have had. I don't want to miss any more of her life. If I could record everyday with her I would. I am grateful for the last three years of her life and if I could slow it down I would. I don't want her to grow up.
Paige is also dramatic in every way. She has been dramatic from conception. First of all, she was conceived two weeks after I had a miscarriage. I should have paid attention in health class when they pounded it into our heads that you can get pregnant AT ANY MOMENT! Needless to say, I was not ready to be pregnant again. I wasn't even ready to not be pregnant anymore. I can't say how long it takes to get over a miscarriage but I can promise that it is definitely more than two weeks. Travis and I had decided that we wouldn't be trying again any time soon but Paige had different plans.
My pregnancy was anything but easy. It came at a time when we were trying to make it as owners of a mortgage company and money was tight. Hudson was only 15 months old and I was an emotional wreck. I yelled at Travis, a lot. Then to add to the drama, I had Placenta Previa, so I had to be super careful about everything. And there was no "mommy and daddy" time for 6 months.
During my "travelling baby shower," Paige decided that she wanted some more attention I started bleeding. Very awkward in the middle of Johnny Carino's. We had to cancel the rest of the shower (lunch, mall and makeovers) and go straight to the hospital. At least my hair and my toes looked good (the first stop of the shower was the salon where I got my hair done and a pedicure.) Anyway, the girls had to take me to the hospital where I had to be on bed rest for the whole weekend. Of course this happened on the weekend that Travis and his family was in Lake Cumberland and had to cut the trip short.
Even her delivery was fairly dramatic. It was a planned C section but there was an issue with the placenta, too much bleeding, etc. Then she didn't stop screaming for the first year of her life.
With all of the drama, it is fair to say that I had a hard time bonding with my beautiful baby girl. I just didn't feel the connection that I had the last time I had given birth. I am not sure when it started to change, I guess it was gradual. All I can say now is that I couldn't imagine my life without her.
Paige is still very dramatic but usually in a good way. She loves to dance and sing. Her favorite song to sing is "I love you, I don't hate you." She came up with that one herself. She wants to be an adult. She wears my heels and changes her clothes 5 times a day. She always wants to wear dresses and makeup and she has more purses than I do. She has never seen something shiny or glittery that she didn't like. Her favorite shows are Gilmore Girls and iCarly. She loves to pretend that she is a mommy and talks about her "boyfriend" which is Travis. If you cross her, she will make you pay. If she has her heart set on something, she won't take no for an answer.
I hope that my daughter dreams big and tries hard. I want her to be a strong, independent woman that will go after what she wants even if she will be disappointed in the end. I want her to change the world in her own way. She doesn't need to have a fancy job or title, as long as she is educated and fulfilled, I will feel like I have done my part in raising her. I don't ever want her to lose her sassiness or spunk because that is who she is. I want her to make good decisions and when she doesn't, I want her to take responsibility for them.
It makes my day when someone says she looks like me. We even have the same mole on our bellies in the exact same place and I smile every time I see it. She makes me laugh everyday and I can't get enough of her kisses. (Sometimes when I ask for one she tells me that she doesn't have any because a bad guy took them so I have to give her one of mine.) I love to fix her hair hair and play dress up with her. Today, for her birthday, we had a tea party (with lemonade) at the Bon Bonerie and got our nails done. (She decided at the last minute that she didn't want any one else to do it but she had fun anyway.) I can't even get mad at her when she writes on my walls 'cause she is so stinkin cute. She loves our new baby dog (that is what she calls puppies) more than anything and has a new fascination with worms.
Paige is my everything. My sun rises and sets with her. I am sad that I missed the bonding with her as an infant that I should have had. I don't want to miss any more of her life. If I could record everyday with her I would. I am grateful for the last three years of her life and if I could slow it down I would. I don't want her to grow up.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
